Funerals... and social events..

I've never been to a funeral before. That is if by funeral you mean going to the graveyard and burying the deceased.

I've only attended my own grandparents' (x3) wakes, even then i didnt go to the cemetery. In our family, we feel that girls dont need to go to the cemetery. It's not like we can help with the digging or whatsoever. and we certainly do NOT visit their tombs again annually like some Malay Muslim here do. We strongly believe that our doa/prayers from home from heart is sufficient and WILL be delivered and reach them safely.

The only time i remembered going to the cemetery was when we were collecting donations for our school during Friday prayer and i happened to be stationed at the mosque near there. Then, Y and the rest of us looked out for her brother's resting place. We noticed there were some that were fenced, tiled, ceramicked bla bla bla... our family are very against these "dapur2" or whatever decorations on the Qubr. But i feel growing flowers and plants on it is super marvellous and pleasing to the eye. There is a hadith saying that these dapur2 and weeping/wailing will only burden the dead but that water from plants growing on it will soothe them.

Some 2 years ago, in my previous employment, there was a Chinese adviser in another agency who died after coming home drunk and fallen from maybe 4 or 6 storey high.. i didnt know him so i didnt go to the wake. But everybody else in my agency seems to have gone.. some of the secretaries also..

Tne, earlier this year, my ex-colleague's father (chinese) passed on. Her sister lives just 2 floors up and the wake was held at the nearest multi-purpose hall. I cldn't miss it if i was from the carpark. But i didnt't extend my condolences either... my thoughts were: i didnt know what to do or what to say.. how long to stay.. and just awkwardness lah.. cos i didnt know the deceased.

Just a month ago, my own ex-colleague (chinese) died from drowning. This time i didnt go bcos of transportation, money and i didnt know the family. Can u see the irony? at first i didnt go cos i didnt know the deceased, but when i know the deceased then i dont know the family!

So i asked my Chinese friend, "What do you do at wakes?" she said something like, "nothing. You just go there to mourn the death, to lend ur support to the surviving family, to give money to tide them over the funeral because it costs a lot of money to organise the wake."

I'm very bad at caring for others. i dont know how to show empathy and/or sympathy or whatever.

That time, Zubair and i were talking about Mathieu's party (his wife gave birth to a baby girl). then Zubair said, "Then when we have a party, probably pple won't come also bcos we dont go to pple's." He is also the type who dont go to such events. Habis lah (we're finished..) the karma will definitely come back to us..

But it's not only parties or funeral... its also hospital visits, weddings and so on. i can't help it, i'm not a social person. esp i dont feel comfortable at Kafir's (non-believers) events. im not uncomfortable bcos we dont share the same faith, but more bcos we dont share the same lifestyle.. the food we eat and the drinks we drink are different... our social ettiquettes are different... i wont know what to say or do. it'd be VERY awkward. I tried it once and i felt ill at ease and cldn't wait to go home!

i sometimes feel uncomfortable with my own bestfriends also. So there. im a socially awkward person. HAHAHA

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2 glasses of Juice:

AzRaNan said...

Alamak, I typed so much and it all got lost.

In summary, I said...

Remember "Hablun minaAllah wa hablun minanNas". It is important to forge social relationships even its just pretend, as it is considered completing a part of your faith. It's not just about Karma really.

It is as important to have the same kind of relationships with non-believers as it is a kind of da'wah. When you do good to them, they will realise that Islam is a good faith.

A little gesture goes a long way. May be awkward at first, but try and pretend you're not. Practise makes perfect. Sometimes must also do things against ur beliefs, e.g. giving money at weddings and funerals. The benefits really outweigh the 'believed hypocrisy' you mentioned.

In life, we don't always get to do the things we like. There is always a push and pull. Think about it *wink*. If you ever feel awkward, we are always available for help! =D

All the best!

Jussaemon said...

Hello Nan.

Yeah you are right. Well.. need to practise for the next time round, not that i dont wish for anyone to die soon though.