First Separation!!

Thursday 23/4

One more day to go before the D&D. I have lotsa things to do in preparation for a NIce NIght Out!!

So i sneaked out to Causeway Point at 3pm after expressing and feeding the babe. Told Zubair i'd be back around5pm and that there's milk thawed out by the sink and another one in the fridge just in case.

I did Mani and Pedi. That took slightly more than 1hour!

After that, the plan was to survey a few places to research on Stretch marks lightening packages. First i visited Leonard & Drake as it was just next to the nail parlour.

And i bought the package straight away! Ok not really straight away. She explained it to me for like 10min before i signed. It was within, and in fact, slightly below my budget at $960 and i would get 9 sessions!

At this point, Zubair told me to get home soon as he needs to go out. And i hurried thru the next essential task and skipped some other trivial errand.

I quickly went to Mothercare to get the membership as we've accumulated the necessary amount. And i picked up a Cooler Bag to store my expressed breast milk tmrw at the D&D! Haha thank god i consulted the Well of Info Butterflyrubrics about EBM. Otherwise i could have ended up dumping the pumped liquid. BOOHOOHOO.

Was supposed to:

  1. Buy Shoes
  2. Buy Lens
  3. Buy T-shirt for home (all very outdated already not to mention BAGGY)
  4. Pay Bill
  5. Borrow books

GRRR... and now this Ash is saying i can't buy lens from her so tmrw DIE DIE i hafta go Causeway Point again before i get ready to go D&D. Cause if wore make up already, can't put in the lens, my eyes will water and ruin the make up. Aiyah so leceh! HUMPH @ Ash.

I reached home at 5:30pm. and quickly took the baby to me and cuddled him. I cldnt nurse him as Z already warmed the 2nd packet of EBM.

Babytalked with Tufeil asking, "Did u miss mummy?" And THEN it hit me. This is the FIRST ever moment we've ever been apart (after his discharge of course)! All these while i had been within an arm's reach. Before this, even when i was out, it was with the baby and for HIS appointments. Ohhh my poor baby.

Second realisation slapped me in the face, I MISSED HIM too!!! When i went out from the house and was doing the mani pedi, i was delirious - high with happiness, like an escaped caged animal. haha. But when i reached home and looked at him, i jsut wldnt let him go for missing him for the 2.5hrs we were apart.


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Breastfeeding scare!

I have been feeding him lying on the bed for sessions between 5am - 12nn.

As most mothers say they sleep while they feed their babes. Q: So does that mean they dont burp the baby?

I always feel guilty each n everytime the baby regurgitates. Q: Would they feel hungry again afterwards since the milk came out from their system?

Lately i noticed that after 10 min of feeding, Tufeil would get restless. He would push me away, but at the same time cries for milk!! Its very confusing for me.

Then last Saturday, I started training him on bottle cause i dont want to surprise him with the bottle on D&D night and he would refuse then i'd hafta go home!? Then he started snorting while i was feeding him. Then again the push away bottle but cries hungrily.

I panicked. We were alone at home and Z was in the toilet. Z told me to turn off the fan. but he still cried and i got crankier cos it was soooo HOT!!

I called mummy and she said she was on the way home.

When she got home and inspected baby...


It turned out that there was a HUGE HUGE TAIK HIDUNG (still dont know the proper English word other than nose shit) stuck in his nose!!! and on both sides of the nose too! He was 3.5weeks old then and we hadnt cleared it once! *sheepish grin* Sorry yeah first time parents.

He ate and slept better afterwards.

When Khairiah visited me at KK Hosp, her baby was into 4th week and she was so expert a BF-ing already. I was amazed.

Now that i'm at that stage too and i realise im getting better at it too. Though not as expert as she is, at least i dont need the nursing cream anymore. Weehooo... So it is NOT impossible.

Nan told me that she didnt think it was gonna be easy too... but it will get easier (no latching problems, no squirming babies) at 8weeks onward or something.

'Azma wondered if her baby would ever sleep thru the night. It was impossible for her to imagine but the day came. As for me, i dont doubt they can sleep thru the night as Tufeil can sleep 4 - 5hours at a go but during day time!! So instead i'm wondering if his clockwork would ever change to east coast time(or whatever)???

Just wanna remind myself, "WE CAN DO IT!" cheyyy bah.

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Stuck in Between

  1. One would say "bedung (swaddle) lah", the other, "his limbs need to be free."
  2. One would say "use lampin (napkin)", the other, "who's gonna wash?"
  3. One would say, "the fan's too strong, he cant breathe" but the other said, "he's hot lah"
  4. One would say, "Put on the hat for him" the other, "Its too hot" (the latter's the one who said fan's too strong)
  5. One would say, "Shape his head" the other, "That's so cruel!"
  6. One would say, "She will comment if i take him from her" the other, "He took him from me"!

And im stuck in between.

I can understand both points of view but i do whichever is easier for me. If u want it ur way, then do it urself.

The only things i have strong opinion about are:

  1. No need to give water to baby (even when hiccup?)
  2. Please dont use powder.

But i have no choice. If i ask for help, i should accept it the way its presented back to me.

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Cukur Rambut, Hospital Bill, Circumcision and Language

Fri, 17th April

Tufeil turned 3 weeks yesterday!!

and he had his cukur rambut (shave head) just now. We called the Sri Nada guy to come over to our house and paid $30 for his service. We havent weighed nor converted into gold tho. The culture in Pak would pay in Silver. He said its because guys can't wear gold. But they cant wear silver either can they?

Oh yeah and i also received the FINAL HOSPITAL BILL yesterday.

The first one came was for me. The delivery suite charges, ward, food, medicines, etc came up to S$3,570.98. But after a government grant of $1,513.60, and antenatal claim of $417.55, my Medisave account paid 100% of it and even had a balance of $238.62 due to me! Alhamdulillahhhh

But i cldnt rejoice yet until i got Tufeil's hospital bill. 1 day in Neonatal ward class B2 = $75. 5days in Special Care Nursery Class C = $1,225. Total $4,279.80. Total payable after government grant = $0.

Alhamdulillah. I am sooooooooo thankful to God I don't hafta pay anything. I was worried cos i heard a lot of pple had to pay some $3 - 4k!! But because I had gone thru the polyclinic route n got all those grants. The one and only downside of it was Husband could not room in with patient in the ward before n after delivery because it was a B2+ ward shared among 5 patients.


We have so many things to do. After the Cukur rambut, we hafta think about circumcision.

Actually i'm not totally convinced that we should get it done during his infancy ie before he starts to crawl. Although I agree that there would be less hassle doing it earlier, I feel that the boy needs to experience it when he's older and better appreciate the meaning of it.

But then again, the trend is for babyhood circumcision and i would risk making the boy feel insecure or be bullied / tormented by his peers by doing late. I know i'm thinking too much into the matter and should just get it over with.

However, the Question now is WHEN and WHERE can i do it? Then a relative said something about the Ring method will not give a nice.... hm... er... effect as opposed to thread. ERRRRR???? I have no idea, no idea at all! HELP!


Although sometimes its irritating when Zubair stopped me from speaking in Malay to Tufeil, its kinda cute that he wonders, "What if he dont know how to speak Urdu and talk to me in Malay?"

LOL. I told him to just keep talking Urdu to baby and he will understand and speak it to the right person. I gave Fara's children as example. They automatically know what lang to use to speak to which person. And he was comforted. I hope. haha.

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Ohhhhh Rehabilitation Department is for Physiotherapy, orthodont%^$%#$% and something..

The moment i saw that sign, i then had a clear view what the appointment is about. Curled toes. Only the physiotherapist who attended to my baby said check up is a month later and its only been 3 weeks.

In any case, Alhamdulillah, the P said his curled toes is very minor and that we should just continue taping his toes together until they review in 3 months' time. I also just understood what the whole Curled Toes thingy is about. The 5th toe growing UNDER the 4th one. So the tape is to separate them and align them nicely. She also showed us an exercise we should do to ther baby's feet for 10seconds 10 times a day holding his bent knee to keep his feet firmly on the ground.

I also told the P that the doc at Poly noticed a tendency for a club foot. After some inspection she said the doctor is right. My heart dropped but lifted again when she said that its very minor because Tufeil actually knows how to correct it himself. Just that in a relaxed position, his feet tend to go "senget" (Crooked). So when we notice him doing that, we're supposed to tickle the outer part of his feet so he'll go back into correct position.

Consultation fee: $15.50
Taxi cost: $15.50 x 2

Shopping total: $200++...

hahahah I went crazy at Mothercare just now. I bought two nursing "aids" and the accompaniment $100. There was a nice nursing top but its like $55, so i tot i should rethink that first. PLUS, the sleeve was more like 3 quarter as oppose to full sleeves.

Then i bought a toy and a baby CD for baby $30 x 2. The toy is fabulous. Cos i wanted a mirror for him to look at (i read that babies like to look at their reflection) and Zubair wanted some musical toy and this toy has both!

Then i spent $68 on new specs! bendable ones! and they will even deliver right to my doorstep in 4 days' time!

But i still need contact lens for my D&D. No way im gonna wear SPECS on such a grand night! Or maybe ill just buy a pair from Ash first. hah

thats it for now!

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The Object of My Affection -Tufeil.

Its amazing how a baby who resided in his mother's tummy, eating and drinking what she ate, shared same blood and everything could be SOOOOOOO much like his FATHER.

Apart from the physical appearance, his head smells like his father's, the way he sleeps on his tummy also like Zubair, the way he sighs when almost full is just like Z. The only thing i can claim is his facial expressions. The way he frowns, "mencebik" (lisp curled downwards). Did i tell u he has a dimple?? or maybe two. but his cleft chin seems to have disappeared (???)

But other than that, my life revolved around a 3-hour cycle of feeding, burping, changing diaper and putting the babe to sleep. Oklah.. granted its only been 2 weeks that he's been home.

I tot i could just die when baby just wouldn't sleep from 3am - 6am 2 nights in a row! He kept on crying, i kept on feeding him for 20min every hour. I also couldn't stop crying from yawning so much. But from 6am, he will sleep for 4hours, wake up for a feed and sleep again for 3hours. So basically we, the parents, also sleep thru till 3pm!! haha

He's very much a night owl. People say because he was born in the wee hours. But it was sooo frustrating that i made Zubair go and buy a pacifier. But when we tried on the babe, he seemed not to like it. Either that or he's just not used to it.

I wonder if im damaging the shape of his head by holding it for so long during feeds? it feels a bit... crooked like follows the shape of my fingers.

We still have yet to shave his head. Hopefully this fri.

Tmrw is an appt at Rehabilitation Dept @ KK for baby. God knows for what. The notification came thru the mail with no explanations. Hmmm it will be a challenge to get ready on time at such unearthly hour for the baby.. (AND the parents) PLUS it is also thefirst time we will venture so far out from home! Excited but nervous! The good thing is, ill get to do some shopping albeit at the hospital! BAh

Zubair seems to think that Tufeil is getting darker... Hmmm yes he does seem super duper reddish. Im wondering could it be all those chocolate milk that i drank to make him dark skinned? hehehe well let's see for a few more weeks / months.

Baby's Progress.

The Elders seem to be impressed when Tufeil's eyes were open from birth. They said babies of old wouldn't be able to open their eyes so soon. And now my mum is saying his head is very strong to be lifted on its own and during confinement too! Er... i have no prior exp so i have no way to compare. He seemed to have grown taller too (have yet to measure). And his cheeks are definitely chubbier.

And above all... i constantly feel guilty that the baby does nothing but sleep n sleep. I mean... he must be bored right? I dont have any idea how to stimulate his interest! I dont have any tool nor toys on hand.. i only have my voice so i talk and sing to him. Sometimes i just put him in front of Discovery Channel. Bath time will use up another hour of play time... Hmmm what else?

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Bits & Pieces

1. It's been 2 weeks already and i've lost 10kg. 2 more kg to get back to pre pregnancy weight.

2. My tummy has never been flatter however, its riddled with stretch marks. ERGH!

3. Ive been looking at Tufeil so much I no longer see Zubair's features but begin to see the babe as who he is.

4. We have yet to cukur rambut (shave head). One side is saying the sunnah is to do on multiple 7 days, the other only on Wed and Fridays... Compromise: Do on Fri quite close to 7th or 14th or 21st day esp cos technically i gave birth thurs night. =)

5. Syifaa' has been screaming in pain, wailing in agony and throwing tantrum cos she's having fever. Tho Tufeil either didnt wake up or was busy enjoying his milk, i fear that he might think its ok to be crying just as loud.

6. Nothing is fair once you've become a mother. See... the father gets to go out with his friends while the mother has to stay home and feed the babe. HUMPH. i dont care i already reserved Zubair in advance to take care of Tufeil while i go for my company's Dinner & Dance next 2 Fridays. COUNTING DOWN!!

7. Its a public holiday today but it doesnt affect me in any way.

8. Oh yeah Last check up @ polyclinic saw Tufeil's jaundice a great decrease from 182 to 117. ALhamdulillah. NExt appt in 2 weeks time along with Hep B 2nd dose. ERK.

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First Week of Motherhood

Have i told you the first thing i said when Tufeil came to this world and brought to my chest was, "Are you really mine?"

The feeling is soo surreal, even as i rocked him to sleep ( i know, bad habit, but im desperate) a while ago, I still cannot believe that i actually am responsible for this little being!

But i hafta tell you that the recovering phase was... Hell-ish. and it was a normal vaginal birth, what more for c-sect. You can say my threshold for pain is very low - hence, the epidural - and also hence, the sitting balloon. Thankfully 'Azma came to the rescue lending me hers when she visited me while still in hosp. I brought it with me everywhere. From bedroom to living room. From the car to the hospital to Kopitiam downstairs. I didnt care what people gonna say, i'm in PAIN!

Worse was, the night i was discharged, I caught the cough/flu from Zubair who was recovering. Dont even DARE to imagine my fear of coughing and sneezing! I tried to clear my throat or rub my nose to steer away from coughing and sneezing. *shudder* WHen i cldnt stand it any longer, i cough softly... or sneezed halfway .. just the Ahhhhhh ch without the CHoooooooo you know? LOL

I continued eating the medicines the hospital prescribed which were 1 Obimin, 3 vit C, 2 panadols (skipped) and 2 ponstan as well as the oral emulsion to soften the stool. One day, i read the label of Ponstan, "To ease pain and stop menses" My eyes opened wide, "WHAT?! STOP MENSES?!?!?!?!" NO WONDER the blood flow trickled to a stop. I discontinued that pain relieving pill straight away and got a bad case of the cramp that night. Thankfully, it was only the one night.

To help heal the stitches faster, i also used minyak gamat (dont know whats the ENglish term is but its basically some kind of medicated oil to dry wounds). Again, the blood flow dwindled. But the masseuse told me that its normal that this Nifas that last between 40 - 60days will continue to just trickle... not heavy flow like regular menses.

Zubair was very caring about what i eat. SO much so he brought me two whole packs of 6 small packets of DUtch Lady Choc Milk. Awww so sweet... To help bring on more milk, the masseuse massaged the right area, i also take 1 calcium pill and 2 nigella sativa (habbatus sauda) softgel on top of the 2 packets of milk a day.

NOw about the Massage.

On the first session, i was very obedient. I drank the bitter Ubat Periuk, i withstood the Bengkung (torso wrap) for 24hours, i wore socks, i didnt untie my hair, i didnt shower a 2nd time, i even applied Param on my body that night. But I simply couldn't stand the dust when it dried up!!!! I didnt mind the smell so much but the residue i tell you ... if i could slap it, i would! So i told the massuese i wanna change to the cream instead.

The massage was painful at certain areas. but at least it doesnt ache the next day. I initially asked for 10 days @ $640. But after the 7th Day.. i cldnt take it anymore. PLUS, Z was complaining about the smell also. Poor him, he had put up with smelly me as long as he could. So the next day, i told the masseuse it was the last day and fee was prorated. I suppose, im not an authentic Malay afterall. Fara who's a Pakistani liked all these traditional treatments and still do them every weekend or so... but me... sorry i cannot take it.

I dont plan to use the Param at all as advised during confinement of 40days. I only intend to wear my girdle and corset. oh yeah speaking of which, on that last day, she asked me to use my own corset but i was very reluctant to do so.... Its a VERY SUPER EXpensive 4-piece set that costed me $800 3yrs ago. and now what happened... the DAMNED PARAM STAINED MY CORSET YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! %$&$&*^*&%^&$#%#@$@# Not to mention the SOUR SMELL. ARGHHHHHHHHHH PULL HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I think the baby and i have problems latching on correctly. I've been applying cream to soothe the soreness. I've been trying several positions with pillow, on chair, on bed... sometimes left is easier, sometimes right is easier. Its really a trying moment for baby and me especially like this morning after he slept like 4hours and was raving HUNGRy!

I can't bring myself to sleep when its just me and baby in the room, ie, Zubair's out. Cause i always fear the worst could happen, like him choking, like him suffocating, like him choking and suffocating... wait. i mentioned that already, havent i?

Zubair bought Food Warmer, Container, baby thermometer disguised as a pacifier, more mittens and newborn vests. He's also on night watch. Baby's been eating every 2hours or so. At night i will wake up to give milk and pass the baby back to Z to burp, change diaper and send to sleep, while i go back to dreamland. WEll that's more than fair because later during the day i wake up at 8am for the massuese then Z gets to sleep till afternoon. Hah.

Its a pity that my ignorance was mistaken for a defying act of the elderly. For instance, i didnt know i cannot shower twice a day, better not to cut my hair as the masseuse would need to tie my hair high up, must wear socks all day and all that jazz. Its not that i purposely want to hurt them, i just dont bloody know!

Now (7th Apr), im on my way to the polyclinic for 2nd jaundice check up. The first one right after baby was discharged, doctor said he has the tendency to develop club foot so was ordered to rotate his left foot and to continue taping his last two toes cause of curled toes. His jaundice was 182. So let's hope today's assesment gets better.

Hey! This Thursday, Tufeil will be 2 weeks old! They say the first month is the longest. I just hafta get thru another 2 weeks before we will settle into some kind of routine or at the very least familiarity, hopefully insya'Allah Ameen.

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Julissa + Zubair = Tufeil

Good news! Alhamdulillah, it was a surprise that the nurse told me Tufeil could be discharged last night. Thank god i changed my mind about resting at home. I actually had the option to discharge him that night and go to poly to check the jaundice level the next day at Woodlands Polyclinic or check the jaundice at the hospital that night and check him out the next day. Obviously, i went for the former since dad's already off work and going to woodlands poly is much nearer than all the way to Bukit Timah.

I have been prohibited to upload any pictures of the darling baby. Until after 40 days have passed. So you guys hafta either wait till then or see him for yourself hehe... - Email or sms me if u wanna come - So for the time being, i leave you with these descriptions of Tufeil:

Nose: Yes he has a high bridge of a nose but from the front the end looks like mine. (Hmmm is this descriptive enough? lol)

Cheeks: Chubby like me!

Hair: Soft & fine like mine but slightly wavy like Zubair's

Nails: Fingernails long rectangles like mine. Toenails short triangles like Zubair's

Lips: Beautifully defined shape like Zubair's masya'Allah but dry texture like mine.

He has very lean limbs. (i take it lean means... slim?) Zubair insists Tufeil's eyes take after his shape but i cant be too sure yet... can't quite make it out yet... even his eyelashes are not visible just yet.

Last night was very tiring for both of us. We came home like almost 10pm i think. by the time we settled down it was already midnight. By then, i've fed him twice already. Each time like not enough. at 3am nursed him again.... for 1hr!! but 30min after that he still cried. i gave him another 30min's supply and then he slept thru to 8am! Fooh! I think im finally getting the hang of BFing, hopefully.

This morning, Tufeil had his first official bath by the masseuse. Complete with flowers and all. After that, we went to the poly clinic and found out his jaundice increased just slightly to 182 from 175 the previous day. I was advised NOT to take any herbal things (read: UBAT PERIUk!!!) but to take in a lot of water as well as to give the baby some sun as is the practice.

After our first family outing, he slept for 3 full hours as so did we. and we all woke up refreshed. Looks like he's gonna be a true blue night owl. Hmmmmmmm

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So how IS Tufeil?

Sat 28th Mar 09...

After i was discharged, we went to take a look at Tufeil.

He was on drip. Luckily, on duty was an Indian Registrar Doctor Pradeep Singh who is a very jolly doctor! He explained to us that firstly, it was noticed that the baby has difficulty maintaining oxygen in the body so was given oxygen in the cot.

Secondly, from blood tests, there was an indication that his digestive system wasnt working so well.. that leads to produce some acid in the body more than was necessary which only affects the body worse.This condition is called error in metabolism something or other.

So i was not able to breastfeed him. But having had a wonderful experience with the hospital's expressing machine, we immediately bought Medela's Mini Express Pump @ $193 with the help of 2 x $50 vouchers courtesy of 'Azma and Zubair's friend, Sumbal. The balance was a gift from my parents. Yayyy

At home, only a tiny weeny sticky bit of collostrum came out. I threw it away as there's no way we could collect n save it - its too little.

Sunday 29th Mar 09

I started my massage session today. I shan't describe more about it as the main topic here is Tufeil's health.

But at 1pm, my parents sent us to the hospital. There's no more new information except that he's responding well to the medication and antibiotics and that he's condition is stabilising. At least today we got to cuddle him for a bit.

Mon 30th Mar 09

Quickly got dressed to go to the hosp right after massage and rushing thru my Ubat Periuk also. YUCKS.

I got a shock when i came! There was a blue light shining above him. What now? Oh its just the jaundice the nurse said. The level was 215 the previous night and 203 that morning. Ohh ok jaundice im not so worried.

Today, or rather the previous night, he's started on 40ml of milk. The nurse said i could nurse the baby! Yayyy...

So behind the screen, we struggled to feed him. I dont know whether its because of the massage oil's smell or the taste of the baby wipes when he first got a lick, he screwed up his face in dislike and shook his head. But we tried again after that ok... But everytime he latched on, he would immediately go to sleep. SleepyHead like mummy. haha. He did manage a few suckles though, so we continued the rest with cup feeding him the supplement.

Today was also the day i was in much pain to move about having shitted like 5 times the previous day and started coughing. So scared to cough you know, dont want anything to rupture!

We also got his Birth Certificate done and the no is NICE! =) That also means that we've finally compromised to name him Tufeil Hussain Zubair as opposed to the previously agreed at Tufeil Zubair Asadi. Haha... At least i still get my Tufeil. Thank you very much.

At home, suddenly my milk flowed!!! Alhamdulillahhhhh The very first successful extraction was only 10ml tho. Subsequent two pumpings were 20ml for 30min work. But i was a happy mother! What a miracle, Subhanallah! I can now stop comments like "Any milk yet?" "Do you have milk?""How come no milk?" "Looks like u dont have milk" GRRRRRRRRRRR Altho now the comments are, "How much milk?" "Enough milk?"

Tues 31st Mar 09

I requested for a day off from Massage today to concentrate on feeding the baby.

So when i woke up that morning, i had a lot of time to get ready, express milk, prepare bfast for the hub and myself and go thru my yucky yucky medicines.

We reached the hospital just in time for his feeding. Today we got more proficient and we were a real team, Zubair and i. He helped me carry the baby, while i push in the food. The second session @ 4pm was even more successful Alhamdulillah.... I suppose it just takes practice and lotsa patience.

Also Dr Pradeep was on duty again today. We got a good news that they are no longer worried about his condition from the primary blood tests results that came back. There are two more secondary results waited to return but there shouldn't be any problem, insya'Allah. So now just waiting to complete the course of Antibiotics and those reports. His jaundice level has also gone down to 188. I was told by the nurse than once below 190, he can be taken off from the photolight.

So if things maintain the way they are, he should be able to come home on FRIDAY!!! YAYY Ameen. Alhamdulillah.

I would say that Zubair is a much better parent than i am. At least, where taking care of infants are concerned. He holds the baby like a pro, his instincts are also... just marvellous... He's the one who carried the baby (I dont dare to with all the wires n stuffs), he proactively sponged the baby with baby wipes seeing that the skin is dry... Fed him the cup feed and all that. He even stayed at the hospital till 9pm everyday when i had already gone back at 6pm catching a ride from my father.

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