The Original Juice

Speaking of Spirituality.... I feel lost.

I envy those who are seriously down to earth, and remorseful for their tiny tiny sins, who are sincerely grateful to Allah for their blessings. I'm amazed by those who are convinced the "bad" is good for you.

I havent been a good muslim of late. Yes i pray 5x a day. Yes i cover my head. But how's the quality of my prayers? I complete a 4 rakaah prayer in under 5min. with no proper, sincere doa afterwards.

Then how are the clothings i put on? I've been buying "modern" clothes recently.

When my son is sick, I pray to Allah to heal him. Did i thank Him when he got better?

Mostly I'm just lazy and uninspired! Many a times i plan to read the Qur'an... and then other things come up and i dismissed my intentions with those excuses like... Tufeil's asleep already... bla bla bla...

Is my heart too black now that i just fail to appreciate and glorify the Creator?

I dont want to have something terribly bad happen to make me realize. I don't want it to be too late. For the lord knows i do believe in the Hereafter. But how do i change my attitude in practising religion?

A STRAIGHT Single Unattached Muslim guy between 27 - 35yrs old, > 1.7m in height, preferably of mediterranean or south asian origins, and/OR Sharp nose, big eyes, long lashes.

He should also appreciate intellectual conversation and hold his own, be able to share his own thoughts, can drive, have car, love kids.

Most importantly, spiritually balanced. and keyword is BALANCED. Not too much leaning to the worldly world nor to the Hereafter. just nicely 50-50.


LOL. I doubt such men exist!

PS: This list may grow longer from time to time

I'm sorry but i can't stand your stupidity!

An "Invalid Card Number" was supposed to refer to the credit card number but she tot its the ID being a Foreginer's and not a PRC's.

And she spoke with nonchalant authority too!! "Yeah yeah i know this website. I booked before. I give you the email add. Yeah i know i know its because of the PRC or foreigner's ID." THE NERVE OF HER! ARGHHHHHHHHHH *Pulls hair!!!!*

This website also very stupid! The CC Verification Code is limited to 3 digits whereas AMEX has 4! Of course it will return with an error! And there's no way around it until they re-design the input field!


This Amex also one kind. Want to be the odd one, stand out. Give pple problem only! *look at the employee apologetically*

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! #$%#$^%$&^%&*%^&#$%@#%#^%&^*&%^%@#

THE JUICE IS IN SERIOUS COMPLAINING MOOD!

12th Aug 09 - Date of Tufeil's First Roll from back to tummy. 4.5months

He turned to his left. Kak Ly spotted it first while i was in the kitchen getting some water. Good thing he took quite awhile so i witnessed his first too. By the next day, he was turning more often albeit still slowly. I wasn't able to see this as i was............


13th Aug 09 - First leisure outing with colleagues.

I think it was my first ever outing with my colleagues at current employment. I've written before how i'm able to click with these new recruits very nicely. This statement is reinforced by our karaoke night last night!

It also happened to be my FIRST time going back late from work (after 1.5month).

We went to Club 7. This time the i/c is super lor soh and ngiow! = irritating. Cannot this cannot that. Please do this and that. Treated us like kids. Food was also not as good as last time. Aiyah.

I only sang English song cos i feel that i would lose my audience if i had sung in Malay cos they wont know the song. But since they outnumbered me, they sang mostly chinese songs. Nevermind, next week will be the turn for malay songs with the cuzzies, parents and BABY!!!


````````````````````````

I am always hungry nowadays. I attribute it to hurried digestion? or whatever it should be called.

Its like this. When i eat, i'm always in a rush. For eg if at home, i only get to steal a few precious minutes (say 20min?) when baby is quiet to eat, shower, clean. So i chomp my food so fast before u cld say "Sausage". haha

Then when i'm at work, i hafta eat quickly to pump milk. I eat so fast, i barely chew the food! ok tak sampai ke tahap pelahap but u get the picture.

```````````````````````

I'm trying to find the cause of my baby being so cranky while at home w my mum during the day.

Is it because....

1. I didnt change the diaper in the morning? But even if i didnt change, sometimes he's good.
2. He's having too little milk? I express 4 bottles, but mum gave him 3 times every 3 hours. But even when i told mum to try give him more and she gave him 200ml more, he was still cranky...
3. Too little sleep?
4. Missing mummy?

Then Ash was off from work tt day and noticed tt Tufeil screamed his lungs out when he got disturbed from his sleep by his the wails of his cousin. Boy do i know how fussy he gets when we disturb his sleep. But surely this doesn't everyday to be the cause!?

Mum reported to me that yesterday Tufeil was a good boy... can play by himself on the bed and all. So what did we do differently? Everything else is still the same.

Ok mummy just called in to say she thinks its the milk! Today he's a good boy again. Ok Julissa... just stay on top of the expressing schedule.

1. FC's assistant has tendered her resignation.


NOBODY, i tell u NOBODY can stand the FC lah. She has no qualms raising her voice or talking DOWN to even the CEO. ESP if she detects weakness / niceness in that person ie pple like me.


Because the asst hasnt yet finished probation period, her notice is only for a week! and we, the girls, are having lunch together later today @ secret Recipe.


It would be a happy gathering full of gossips. But for a very sad reason. We will have one less fun colleague to work with. *CRY CRY CRY*


Fortunately for her, she's found another job already


2. But we have a new French guy who started yesterday.


Both the boss and office mgr are not in, so me and the other French guy had to help out with orientation? I surprised myself by making fluid conversation with him asking How he's settling here in Spore after the weekend? He said they have trouble adjusting to the warm weather after coming from -1 degree in Paris! Their 8 month old baby is taking it badly. Coincidentally last weekend was unusual HOT for Feb.


His work station is right next to mine. So i get to hear a lot of French. It feels a bit odd cos i've always been surrounded by ladies. Also, he's rather tall so can peer into my cubicle just by craning the neck. Hmmmmm...


3. The IT guy asked me, "Are you pregnant?"


LOL... im amused that some pple still cant notice my preggy tummy immediately. Granted, he's only seen me sitting down. Yesterday he asked me to take a look at the copier why the print out is not coming.. unconsciously i rubbed my tummy to soothe the baby's kicking, that's when he noticed.


After that he was allll for excusing me from doing "heavy stuff" but i kept saying "No lah its ok no prob at all." He wont even let me stand. LOL.


No wonder my friends missed being pregnant. Pple mostly always give in to us. Like that time i was arranging to go out with a single girlfriend and she said, "Ok anywhere that's easy for u lah." Of course easy for me is Causeway Point, but then it wont feel like really going out, so i chose town anyways.


Hopefully, pictures coming soon.

Lunch time last Week in the office proved a perspiring feat. But we still got late afternoon showers.


Over the weekend? it was like being GRILLED. and we were indoors! We can start to say bye bye to that breezy wind.


But last night was soooooooooooooooooo hot i cldnt sleep. I was in bed by 11... in between the heat, excitement over a present Zubair's received and baby's active kicking, i only managed a wink at midnight but came awake again sweating an hour later.


Took another hour to fall back to sleep and woken up at 4am. This time, too cold with the aircon and ceiling fan on as well as the standing fan not 1 metre away with no blanket.


So much so that i woke up this morning at 7:25am!!!!!! when we should have hit the road LATEST 7:35am.


=( i dont like being late.


Note to self: sleep earlier.

Everytime i yawn, cough and cry... i feel something is strangling my throat.

I can picture that when im at the peak of contractions, my throat will just close in on me and cut off the oxygen.

I'm deeply sorry my baby if i dont live to see you. I will pray people won't mistreat you and i dont doubt my family will take good care of you.

It was irresponsible of me to have conceived you when we were not stable yet, causing a slew of problems that have resulted in my current health and emotional condition. But believe me, I already love you a lot. Too much maybe that its clouding my decisions.

Just wanna let you know that i enjoyed watching u move in my tummy. Esp that day when u showed me your feet, remember? They really looked like a ball circling the edges of my tummy! And when i contract my tummy to get up from a lying position, i can see the shape of your body (altho technically its the waterbag)!

If Allah thinks its my time to leave, so be it. I resolve to be spiritually prepared for it though i'm already feeling suicidal anyways. Not enough to cut my own hand like somebody had alleged that i did, but enough to lose hope that things will look up. Nonetheless promise me, my child, that you will be His good servant.

I hope to meet you in Heaven. I love you.

Lahore metblogs have some interesting pictures up. WINTER pictures.

My whole heart yearns to be there.

Funny I am missing the country where i got hurt. But its true.

Nothing is perfect. Question is: How do we cope with the imperfections?

OK I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

I WANNA GO ON HOLIDAY!!!

I DON'T CARE IF I HAFTA TAKE UNPAID LEAVE

I DON'T EVEN CARE IF ZUBAIR DOESNT WANNA GO WITH ME COS HE PREFERS TO GO BACK TO PAK. (ok bedeQ. i DO care. i NEED him to come with me. haha)

I JUST WANT TIME OFF. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

Why this bloody visa thingy so difficult??

Short post cos im very busy at work.

The past few weeks i've been wondering what to eat at home. That is to mean snacks or light meals. I have ice cream, chocolates, cakes and what nots... but i want something savoury.

I started to vow that when i have my own house, i will stock with plenty of food. Savoury and Sweet. and prolly sour. LOL. But But But...

Here comes the question: What?!?!?!

Every single food item i think of is either processed or junk.

1. Sausage
2. Instant noodles
3. potato chips
4. Chicken Ham

bla bla bla...

What shall i stock my fridge with that's easy and fast to cook yet not so unhealthy? But hopefully doesnt require any microwaving (i believe its carcinogenic) nor frying (lazy to bring down the hanging laundry).

Hmmm

The first to a start of Going Outs at Nights without Zubair...

Me and Ash, 1st sis, went to to Orchard to enjoy a free Foot Spa trial @ TruSpa.

Actually it was supposed to be an eye treatment for me and a back massage for Zubair that he badly needed. But we kept postponing the appointment for the last 2 months cos we were too lazy to get up early or whatever silly reasons. Now that he's started working and no chance to go at all, i decided to bring the sis instead to get rid of the lady who always call to follow up.

We were required to fill in a form when we got there. And cocked up they did. They kept getting The choice of my free treatment wrong and they had scheduled me for a back massage! 1. i DONT like being massaged. 2. I'm pregnant! I dont wanna be touched by the "professional" And then they had to break a bad news to me that the eye treatment lady was on medical leave so i had no choice to do the foot Spa... Again.

Me & Zubair had tried their foot spa before and which i wrote about here. But i might as well do the same treatment so i could chat with the sis.

It turned out to be horrible hurried job. PLUS the massage function on the chair i was on didnt work anymore. ERGH

Then we were forced to put up with this newbie "spa consultant" who un-interestedly tried to get us to buy a package THERE & THEN. We tried to tell her we are waiting for our bonus in Dec (liar liar pants on fire!) then she just kept talking giving lower options bla bla bla.

She opened with a SGD 3k Free & Easy package with $4050 worth of credit that can be "shared" between 2 pple. Then she lowered to 2k plan.. and then she tried to get us to buy a $200 x 6 items of something.

At this point i stopped listening. But sis said, "Oh i think this credit system is a good idea... but i dont know if its for me cos i work in the west so its quite far for me." To our great surprise, this silly lady began lecturing us about being Sincere. If we're sincere we would commit. Just as she also lives in the far west end willing to go all the way to Tampines for her spa.

"Hold on a second, babe," I felt like telling her, "Eh Hello. We're talking about SPA treatments, not a school or job that we're responsible for. Who cares about sincerity? It's the convenience that we want. We can choose any spa that we like. And you're not doing a good job of impressing us!"

But because Sis felt obligated to stay polite, we meekly continued to listen to her useless persuasions until she decided her game was up.

I felt a bit apologetic afterwards like i had subjected my sis to a 20min lecture when all we wanted was a free foot spa which turned out mediocre at best.

Oh well... at least we were hanging out, rather than working like some people i know. *wink*

Alhamdulillah, i have completed 3 days of Fast. But i hafta tell you it's not easy.

Every minute, im thinking about food. And then i summon imaginary stomach cramp to qualify for break fast. LOL

Oklah maybe im not so much hungry as im thirsty!! It's worst when my nose is blocked and i lose moisture when i hafta breathe thru my mouth. Yucks.

The most trying part is the lethargy. For the past 2 days, i've been taking 1hr nap during lunch, so i feel a bit energised when i wake up and forgot about the hunger pang that occurs from 10am. LOL When Asr comes, i would be jumping for joy already cos its almost knock off time = near reaching home time = near breaking fast time!! haha I've been counting down the hour with my sister online each time.

In the house, it is considered unlawful to not fast even when you have the perfect excuse not to ie pregnant. Of course lah its better to do it and gain the thawab also so i wont hafta repay so much later on but in islam, there are also .... i cant remember whats the Arabic term right now, but something to mean laws to ease the burden of Muslims. It's there to make our life simpler and not begrudge the practitioners into retaliation = sins. Besides, La Ikraha Fid Deen.

Sighh... In any case im trying my best lah. See until when i can cope.

I salute pple who look forward to Ramadhan and declare as much. Because for me, a person who LOVES food and sleep, its tough, esp the waking up at 5am part. Even then, i just wake up to eat, dont even hafta cook. Can't imagine how it is when i hafta do my own cooking. CRY CRY

But of course we look forward to the multiplying of virtues for every lil bit of good deeds u do. I also look forward to the $ saved from not having lunch. Altho i tend to spend almost $10 at the bazaar!!! Cannot go often!

Hahah my points are all over the place.

Oh yeah another thing is, every Ramadhan, i make it a point to clean my wardrobe for the impending Eid. Which doesnt make sense if i tire easily in this month, right? But it must be done! YEah! *psyching myself*

Can't wait for the weekend to go to Geylang! Food! Oh Glorious Food!

I was chatting with my friend about how many we've collected of these glasses, when an idea struck me.


I decided to email to everyone in my dept, "

Hi All,

We are in dire need of glasses for guests.

I've been chasing Admin Dept for so long but still havent bought for us yet.

As such, I was thinking, if you guys happen to have extra or too many of them FREE McDonalds Olympics Glasses, or intend to go to McD soon, can donate a few for the office?

The same person who remarked against using those dirt cheap paper files now suggested this:

How many are we short of? Why don’t we go and buy ourselves. I am sure Mike will
approve it as it not very expensive.

They all came up to my desk and discussed about it. One agreed we should just go and buy ourselves then claim later to which i said Nevermind lah im just saying if you have already at home can bring to office.


Another said its a bit unprofessional to give clients or maybe big bosses such cups. Perhaps yes.. but this is McDonald's we're talking about. Almost the equivalent of having Starbuck's mugs?


So, fed up, I shot a question to the floor, "Ok who wants to volunteer to go and buy?"


Everybody hesitated. At last that same person said uncommittedly, "Ok if i happen to pass by Ikea or something i will buy over the weekend."

I am doing an archiving exercise in the office.

I transfer the papers from PVC 3" Arch file to a Paper file, put a band around it then stuff them in the Cisco Recall boxes.

A colleague saw this and commented, "You transfer to paper file ah? I think its a waste of resources"

Me: Its less than $0.50 each

Coll: Yeah i just dont see why you hafta transfer to paper file. Just tie it with a (some string i cant remember the name).

Me: But they will become dogeared after a while

Coll: What's that?

Me: Dogeared. As in the paper will get ruffled over time?

Coll: But to be honest, how often would you browse thru the archives?

ME in my heart: Well in my opinion, it'd be dead messy if u dont put in paper file. Anyways, why should we be pennywise pound foolish?


In our own way, both of us are right of course. But since I'M the one doing the archiving, the method is up to me, right?!

I have been working for 7 years in my life now and if its not one thing, its the other thing that is not really right in the office.

FIRST JOB

My first job at ZM was tough and lowly paid, not to mention Dirty. Everyday my body itched from seeing ants walking on my desk!!! and will smell of sausage on the way home. The big boss was extremely FIERCE n stingy.

If there's anything i can reminisce about that place is some of the nice friends i made over there. Only 1 person i cannot tahan. She had a laser of a mouth! But that's all past now and forgotten.

BIGGEST lesson i've learnt after leaving: to take down instructions on paper so as not to forget it!

SECOND JOB

I was excited finally getting a proper air con office in town after 3 years slaving at a factory.

However, i missed typing invoices quickly in such monotonous way i cld have done them with my eyes closed! But soon i was a master of all the product plans offered by two insurance companies and know my way around in just 6 months.

If i thought that my previous was fierce, then this TWO new ones are even worse, but in a totally different way. At least that previous one is not my direct boss and was just menacing without actually doing anything except scold the managers and throw a sausage or two.

These new ones? Well they are nice really... but just demanding and SUPER particular. I suppose, i was the naive one and SOFT. I didnt know what to expect nor how to handle situations. I was still very new to the corporate world, haven't seen diff diff kinds of pple havent spent my 12 yrs of education in the same sch with the same pple my whole life.

Valuable lessons i've learnt: How to ask questions. Or rather, anticipate what ur boss would ask you and make sure u ask that person you're talking to before u revert to the boss! I really appreciate this skill that i picked up :D

Another thing i will always remember after working there for 2 years is my lovely colleagues. All of us secretaries serve different bosses. So it was no problem bitching about them and comparing our salaries! hahahaha it was so fun... lunching with them... MSN was also no problem.


Good thing about this job is, before even 2 years, i was being promoted as Admin Executive, from Admin Asst. Ok it was only in name and the salary didnt really increase much but its the acknowledgement that i've served them long is what i appreciate.


THIRD JOB

It's been 2 years now. I'm happy with my Super nice angmoh male boss. I'm happy with the benefits im getting (its not really a big a deal as i heard other financial companies offer even better, but well im not greedy.... yet. LOL) and im happy with what i've done with my cubicle.

Also, i LOVE my Rec Club formation this year.

So what's making me doubt my stay in this organisation?

1. sadly, my dept colleagues are by VERY VERY VERY far my friends
2. some of them even like to peer into what im doing as thought THEY are my boss when my own boss trusts me to do the job on time n properly.
3. Sure i get annual increment like 5%.. bonuses and 2 months AWF... but how come i havent got promoted yet? I wanna be something! Now a Grade 5 Admin Asst... Isnt there a Grade 6 or something?
4. Even after 2 years, i dont really know who are our clients, what are our products as they are out of my job scope. I have a vague picture but not proficient enough to explain it to another friend or acquaintance if they were to ask. Sad, huh?
5. All my favourite websites are BLOCKED!!!!!

So while i got a better remuneration package, the invaluable things like friends and sense of satisfaction are lacking.

I dont really wanna move bcos i dont wanna start all over again and im aiming to get that 21days leave after 5 years of service! hahaa 3 more to go!

But yeah if there's a right offer from MAS *wink wink*, i will surely grab it.

Everytime i give Zubair the What-if-u-die-tmrw speech when im reminding him for prayers and what nots, he would, most of the time say:

If Ammi hears what you said, she will really scold you

It's tragic that the boys lost their father at such a tender age. So the mention of DEATH is really taboo in their house now. Which is also tragic.


Wasn't it supposed to work the other way around? Precisely because you've experienced death of a loved one so young that make you realise how precious and fragile life is? So much so that we shouldn't waste it playing around too much?


Alhamdulillah all my family are still alive and i was blessed not to have suffered such a trauma. The only death i've known is of my paternal grandparents who were very old and sick and whom we werent particularly close with. So unfortunately, i dont know the meaning of loss yet. To be drawn to piety by death.


This entry came about after reading Frust Korner's, She quoted a Harun Yahya's book called Death Resurrection Hell

"The majority of people avoid thinking about death. It never occurs to them that this absolute end will befall them one day. They harbour the superstitious belief that if they avoid the thought of it, that will make them immune from death."

Shamefully, i hafta admit that im in that so called majority.


I totally Echo what she said that everytime we managed to inch nearer, we withdraw 2 inches back somehow.......

Actually it's a bit too early to be writing this... but so far this is how i feel...


SILLY!


Bcos... i keep rubbing my belly... and im more conscious when i walk. Like walking the Pregnant Lady Walk, if there is ever such a thing as that. But really i can already feel something there inside. a Bit crampy but always comes like for 30sec and then gone... Scary lah Sooo scared!!!


Other facts and figures:

1. There is now TWO pregnant ladies in our dept alone!

2. This is how i told my mother, "Mummy, Do you think polyclinic is open tmrw?" It was a Sat and i am fully aware polyclinics do not open on Sun. She said No, for what? I said to do check up. and gave a weird sheepish facial expression and she asked how late was i and i said 8 days. Her reaction, "Only 8 days"

3. My MIL's reaction? If its a son, to name him Ghulam Ali.

I started to object to Zubair cos we agreed that our first son will be called Tufeil after his maternal grandfather. But he GLARED at me for daring to deny my MIL's request =( I feel we can still discuss this issue.

4. I just told my boss. said that if i really am pregnant, high chance it is a Sentosa Baby. Then he fielded his eyes and said, "Dont Tell me!" But later he said, "Must name the baby Sentosa." And afterwards when i was leaving his office, instead of the usual congratulations, he said, "Well Done!" OMG my boss! *faint* I could feel my cheeks burning!

5. Im wondering if its wise for me to go to Pak in my pregnant state. N if we could afford it at all with the impending medical bills! However, that is so much better than after delivery cos surely i hafta bring baby along and i hafta pay 70% of an adult fare for an infant who wont appreciate the journey at all!! Ok ok the Pak family WOULD love to see B.

See! see! I think too much. MerepeQ sey.

6. The news just this morning said that the Govt will be announcing a new improved maternity package of sorts in the National Day Rally next month. I'm already imagining another 1 more month off to make it 4months PLUS 1 mth of Paternity leave. hahaha

7. Does this mean i cant go for my belly dancing classes which will start in 2 weeks' time and will go on for 6 weeks? Sheesh. Such a wasted opportunity. To think i've endured all those silly Afro-Latin cardio classes in the hope that belly dancing would come soon. oh God!


Ya Allah. I am grateful for all the blessings you have showered us. I am shameful to ask for a smooth pregnancy and delivery as well as supportive family and friends. But to whom shall i ask if not Thee the Merciful, The Rich, The Generous One?

Facebook is blocked.

I have two major projects at work which im totally excited about. D&D 18th Apr and Charity day 21st June 08 which im roping Z's band to perform!

New Financial Controller starting tmrw.

We sampled Hei Sushi at Downtown East Sat night.

Finally finished watching All 8 Seasons of Charmed. I hate Paige. I always have.

Watched The Golden Compass too and it was extraordinary!

I always feel tired after the weekend.

What else can i say?

Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah who has made us survive a year together! hehe

The Ups have been very high the Downs had been VERY low...

No celebration today as i still hafta go to the doctor's. Besides yesterday, we went to Pizza Hut already not to mention the Arriving Anniversary celebration at Carousel. So there.

Plus, this morning, i had a new milestone. I finally managed to tie a ponytail on my own! and pin my own tudung~

I had been very worried about my hand bcos my thumb still felt very stiff even though the other 3 fingers are alright, but Dr Nandha just dismissed it as a water retention and that im not moving it as often as i should. It's not that i dont wanna move, but when i do, i will feel shots of pain at tt certain wound.

On Fri, a diff doctor attended to me and asked, "Do you think a tendon might be involved?". i said i dont know, could it? He said that prolly given that the stitch was done in a PAK hospital, there might be a chance that they didnt notice or whatever. But that he asked me to ask Dr Nandha.

When i asked him the next day, he said he didnt believe the A&E pple wldn't know and besides, it's not worth opening up the wound again just to see if a tendon IS affected. Instead, he said that if my hand still feel stiff after we open the bandage (hopefully today!), he will then send me to MRI scan. yayyy that relieved me a whole lot. So much so that suddenly on Sun, my hand felt so much better and much more flexible and the thumb less swollen.

I can't wait for my hand to get working again. there's so much thing to do at home. ie wash my delicate clothes still unwashed from Pak trip! Reorganise my cupboard that's filled with papers and books everywhere. and the list is just endless....