Invitation to Date Me

Zubair will be away 9th Dec - 8th Jan. I will see him there somewhere in between.

I will be free from Mon 10th Dec - 14th Dec 07, and then 25th Dec - 7th Jan. except Mon and Thurs nights.

Shall the family go bowling on Xmas? If not, then at least JB at weekend? Better still bowling at JB!!!

I'm meeting Lina and Wei Quan prolly on 9th Dec... Maybe i'll ask them to meet again before Lina leaves for Australia.

I'm thinking of going for the much needed body scrub and pedicure. Wayan retreat anyone?

Mummy LINNNNNNNN!!!!! I want to meet you cannnnnnnnn???? before and after my trip. Email me.

The Woodlands Sisters and the Simei Cousins still owe each other another outing... it was either WWW or Escape Themepark. When are you guys free?

Hmmm Maybe i'll gather some pple to play badminton also...

Oh yes, i will attend the Qur'an lessons on Tuesdays that month also lah.

Look! Dekho! I've already started to plan my activities for next month!

I dont care. I am soooooo gonna pamper myself with this coming bonus after too many frugal days. It's also a consolation as to not miss Zubair as much. Too bad he wont be here to take advantage of my bonus. A big HAH to you :P Nope, there wont be any left when you come back.

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Boring Old Me

Tuesdays are the days i get off 30mins earlier from work. It's usually the day that i would like to go out with Zubair.

However, yesterday, i really had no idea where to go. Pressed for time, Zubair just decided to meet at Orchard, have dinner then hang out.

In the meantime, I suddenly remembered that e-Dart family pub that Nan recommended near our office. It's $1 for 5 rounds of 3 throws each. Isn't that a steal? Unfortunately, i wasn't able to reach Zubair.

So Orchard it was...

You know how i hate Orchard. Nothing much to see, NOTHING to do... everything's expensive. But i kept telling myself.. it's ok.. let's do something that HE wants to do.

But he got angry when i came with a "black" face. It wasn't intentional.. Just that my heart was feeling very heavy.. I chose not to talk about it. I thought the key to a relationship is communication? But how come everytime we discuss something, it will end up in a row? Maybe its how i phrase my words...? Whatever, Nowadays, i just keep mum.

We went to Lucky Prata. He ate Briyani Dum while i ate my butter sandwich i brought from home. OMG i'm so pathetic i felt like crying!

Anyway, apart from loathing Orchard, i was also not in my usual mood bcos i dont know how to "hang out". Er... what do you do when you hang out? but u don't know where to go what? I just can't comprehend how pple do it!

I simply can't handle surprises nor impromptu acts.

I think i'm a bore. Everything must be thought of, planned out and acted upon. Predictable.

(But of course, i wldn't mind if he surprises me with a PSP, a ring or whatever LOL... No chocolates nor flowers tho)

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"But Are you Ready...

For a baby?" my ex colleague asked me.

At the present, I can't wait to have a baby. I wanna see how they would look like. Sharp nose? dimples? Hairy? Short/tall? I wanna coo at them, buy them clothes and play with them...

A baby would also mean that we can buy a house directly from HDB.

On the other hand, now Zubair wants only 2 children (after seeing how naughty Singapore children are!!) and only after he's got work. But i thought, pregnancy spans over 9 months plus minus. Hopefully, by then, he would have found employment? How long do we hafta wait if start making babies only AFTER he's stable at the job? Maybe only in 2009 he/she'd be born!

Yet on the contrary, i am definitely NOT ready mentally.

Mainly, I'm not ready to sacrifice my time for this baby yet. I wanna go out w hubby, sisters or cousins. I wont be able to sleep my min 8hrs a night fill. Of course, i'd hafta suspend my night classes and all.

I can't take it if Zubair forget about me after the baby. Even now, i'd feel very annoyed and neglected if i dont receive hugs and attention. You wont believe it, but im jealous of my own computer!

To make matters worse, i just heard of a scary incident. One of my relative was using IUD. then she missed her period and was concerned. Her doctor confirmed she's pregnant and said probably the IUD came out unintentionally. but apparently, it actually "Termasuk" or got further inside. It is alleged that if you continue the pregnancy, there is a high chance the baby will have some er... manufacturing defects.

You have all heard that children are gifts from Allah. That they are born with their own rizq or wealth not neccessarily just monetary. If He grants us that gift, we should accept gracefully, but if He hasn't, we should be patient and that its probably better for us.

I'm just a very anal person when it comes to planning (my life, at least). I want to know when to stop medication and when to start preparing for it. Why can't life give simple answers? a straight yes or no. a firm date now and then. Well then, i guess it wouldn't be called life and we wouldn't be humans but robots! (ok rambling on and on and on! haha)

I've heard a lot of pple telling me wait till financially stable, take one thing at a time. Yes yes i know that... but what about the higher probability that Zubair will get PRship with the newborn? and what about Baby Bonus? i dont suppose the $750 every 6 mths from the govt will be sufficient but surely it DOES help?

I'm pretty sure it'd be a heavy strain on me if we want a baby and a house so soon, tho not exactly at the same time, and before he's got a job. But i just cant help exploring my options, Analyzing the pros and cons.

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Let's Talk about the Weather

The boringest subject in the world.

Serve me right for complaining over the weekend that its still TOO HOT for November. Now, i'm freezing in the office since yesterday.

Is it just me or is the airconditioning's been increased despite the heavy rain? But at home im as hot as ever. It can't be me... it must be the office... But my colleagues still turn on their mini fans!!! *faint*

If i could wear TWO WINTER coats, i would.

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241107 - Bowling Fun!

I arranged for a treat for Zubair after finishing his Grade 5 Musical Theory Exam last sat.

More pictures at

The cousins, Kak Long and us went for bowling. We were supposed to meet 2pm at City Hall Mrt. Having finished class earlier, i reached City Hall at 12:40pm. Fortunately, Zubair also got there early bcos his paper finished at 1pm. The boys from Simei were just out heading to their MRT. While Kak Long, of course, was still not ready. Always expect her to be AT LEAST 1 hr late. *wink* (She didn't come till after 4pm!!)

Anyways, the cousins and us started the game first. Well, i gotta hand it to Ayid. He said he's the Bowling Master and well... he's surely on the way. His posture definitely looks professional enough with the leg crossing thingy. But im not so far off behind him just diff of 2 - 4 points thru out all 3 games. :D
I'm finally using Ball No 10. It was out of exhasperation actually as either all the No 8s were in use or the one that was available was too small for my gebu/chubby fingers. I had no luck for strikes this time but at least 3 spares per game. Surprisingly, Ayid didn't know how the scores accumulate when u get a spare or strike! Up yours, DUDE.
The last time me and my friends went bowling at East Coast, we showed Ziah's student pass and we ALL got student rate. This time at Marina Square, they were Bl**dy calculative lah! She asked for all four players' student passes in order to get the student rate. In the end, we paid the public rate $0.60 per game. Hey! That's a lot if x 2 person x 3 games! $3.60! *faint* That's like 1 more game's worth sey!
and before that, at BK, some communication error, Zubair bought 2 MEALS instead of just 1 meal + 1 burger. Absolutely no more going out after this! :((
Zubair played well for his first game considering it's like a "warming up" session. Then somehow he deteriorated during 2nd game. At the end of it, we discovered why. He was suppresing the pressure from the inner body! LOL. then on 3rd game, he made a come back and scored several spares and even a strike if im not wrong.
Now.. Kak Long's play... is... FUNNY!! *slap forehead* i should've recorded a video of her bowling!! She "catwalked" a few steps to the edge of the line and then slowly rolled her ball off. we joked, "Eh, let's time how many mins it takes the ball to hit the pins!" it was THAT slow... about 10 sec?? Yup... BUT BUT BUT... She hit a lot leh shooting like that! Her first game score was 100! We laughed everytime she threw her ball and i shook my head everytime it hit 8 or more pins. I really dont know how she did it!
Yayan tried to copy her style also... but the ball went the other way and that was 1 throw's wasted. Zubair was successful at second try and earned a spare! :D
It was fun lah. One day, we should ask mummy and ayah along too! They accompanied me some 3 yrs ago, when i was practicing for my company's bowling tournament. At Marina South is SUPEr cheap lah. Student rate on a weekday before 6pm is $1.50!!! Public $2.50. I think i will play 5 games ah like that!! LOL

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Manic Monday!!

The ceiling fell!

Poor Pauline who reached office at 8am to get a headstart couldn't access her work till after 11am!

Apparently, late last night on a Sunday, 10th Floor's server got heated or caught fire then the sprinkler rained down a LOT of water and caused a flash flood and the water seeped down to OUR ceiling! 3 chairs were soaked wet! 1 pc totally OUT. 2 keyboards and mice were out of order too. Books and papers went soft, trays became ponds!!

Being an insurance company, we quickly called our claims team to survey the site and he was taking photos and all. Upstairs neighbour's insurer came down to take photos. THe BUilding mgt also came down to take photos. In short, it was utter chaos!

To top it all, actions were swiftly undertaken by the management to clean and/or salvage the property in question. First, their own cleaner vacuumed and blow dryed the carpet, desk. whatever. Then they called in the special Water Damage Recovery company. It was super NOISY, Duper COLD! Even Mike was wearing his sweater!

Right now, the office is smelling very sweet. but the blower is still on! with the heavy showers from late morning just now, i got soaked wet knees and under so now im like FREEZING cold.

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The Most Diff Part of Inter-Racial Marriage

is the language barrier.

How many times had it been when i wasn't able to translate a local joke correctly into English. It sounded so bland when retold. Or perhaps its just that im the one who's not creative enough to tell it more colourfully. heh

How often had i feel frustrated when i dont understand what's he talking to Ammi about or what's he saying in his sleep?

How difficult the pressure is to translate each and every sentence others make in Malay to make him part of the conversation...

How often had i wished i could talk to Zubair in Malay... relate to him my day to day stories in more easy going way that would interest him.

On his part, he said he wanted 100% Pakistani descendants too....

But this is the path that we've taken and i feel that we should stick by/to it. Over time, things will be easier... Like the malay saying goes, bersusah2 dahulu, bersenang2 kemudian, which means we suffer first and reap the sweet rewards afterwards.

Ya Allah. You have blessed us and had made our union happened. Surely it means that it is good for us (that is as long as we remain truthful and faithful to You). So please Ya Allah, ease our burden, make us learn our lessons, make us better servants who prostrate before you in repentance.

I beseech You, The Almighty One, The Listener, The Opener, let us come out from this struggle clean, make our hearts soft to accept the Fate You had written for us, make us remember that You are the Wise one who knows what is best for each and all of us.

Live no regrets. Don't look back. Face forward.

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Sleep Activities

Do you know that:

  1. Ever since the panic attack, I havent napped in office anymore? Afraid to be overwhelmed by melancholy again.
  2. I am constantly drafting blog posts in my head, esp in the car on the way to work and just before i sleep at night. So much so that if the topic poses deep analyzing, i find it hard to drift to sleep.
  3. Zubair sang in his sleep a few days ago. I dont know what it was but its definitely Hindi
  4. This morning, we were both talking in our sleep one after another. I heard him muttered something in Urdu.. Next thing i know, i was laughing from some joke in my dream. then near waking up time, i saw a cicak above my head just before i entered a lift and i was screaming. Zubair, then soothed me.. but in URdu!! "shh.. shh.. mera beta (my son) ... eirheifodvkndlfkhe" (Thank god he didnt scold me for giving him a shock in deep sleep.) While i was getting ready for work, Zubair laughed like he was being tickled and talked away in Urdu.

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Welcome on Board, Adiekosongtiga aka Ayah!

This is to officially congratulate my father who has finally started his own blog!

Visit his site at!

It is basically a travel journal. You'd be amazed by the things my dad observes!


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Tribute to 2 Friends..

I made 2 friends in the short first year at Stansfield. They are Lina and Wei Quan.

Hahah you might be thinking "Huh? Only 2?" But its a great achievement given that i hadnt made any long-term friends from my diploma course that spanned over 8mths.

Lina and i were both doing Bsc in Maths and Econs while Wei Quan was doing Bsc in Econs w Banking and Finance. We attended the core modules together.

I hit it off straight away with Lina on Orientation Day. I think she asked me how much i got for A Levels. Not seeing any other Malays around, i continued talking to her over tea break and found her very interesting. Her "forever Excited" demeanour is really infectious!

Being a shy "proper" girl, i dont outwardly go and make friends with males. Wei Quan was at first Lina's friend whom we referred to as "Kawan" or friend in Malay.

We all exchanged email/MSN addresses and hp no. This is so that when one missed one class, the other can take his/her copy of notes being handed out. Wei Quan was missing a lot of classes at one point bcos he was very busy with work. We updated each other about important dates and exchanged assignments! hahah no no NOT to copy.. just to er.. gather information. LOL

Lina and i really hated this lecturer who taught us Banking and Finance. We often skipped 2nd period together bcos we totally cldnt figure out what the APEK (Chinese uncle) was saying with his improper English.

Lina introduced me to Aunty Anne's and now im totally in LOVE with their pretzels!!

Lina is the catalyst to my marriage to Zubair bcos she was the one who invited me to where i gotta know him.

So naturally, i update her a lot about our progress and she was simply ecstatic to know we were actually going to tie the knot. At that time, i really appreciated her positive attitude in taking the news. (I also appreciate all my other friends who cautioned me and showed me the dark possibilities for my consideration before taking the plunge.)

We even met up the week after my wedding to catch up. Apparently, Lina has taken up another Bsc course at UNSW. Some 3 - 4 months later, she got affected when UNSW closed shop in Singapore and took the opportunity to study in their Australia Uni where they were given subsidies. and she's still eager to meet me in Dec to catch up again! hehe I'm really not used to have such good new friends. =)

As for Wei Quan, I've never met him after i quit sch. But we kept in touch via MSN. I would update him of job opportunities in my company. He would... well he would just ask how m i... and sometimes we discuss life theories and opinions heheh..

He is the link between me and Stansfield since he's still there. I toyed with the idea to resume school, so he'd be the one i go to to ask whether exams' over, how's results, when to submit membership fees to London, etc. He is just so helpful! He promptly gave me RELC phone no cos i wanted to check if i can appeal to register membership. Regretfully, i never got around to it. Sheer procrastination!
I just wanna say that i'm grateful to have such good friends. I realised that i feel touched by their gestures that i resolve to keep in contact with my other friends also.

That's Lina on my wedding day. Sadly, i dont have a photo of Wei Quan.
Do not despair! We'll meet soon in December, yeah!?

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Badminton Fun!

The tournament day was finally here!!

This pic is from last week's practice session. They were so busy watching the game, they forgot to snap pics!

All of the participants!

This year's tournament's way better and more fun than last year bcos i got thru to SEMI-FINALS! hahaha no lah... bcos of the change in format.
  1. Points to 21 instead of 15
  2. Choose own teammate as opposed to "assigned" by drawing lots last yr
  3. Handicap points. Eg: Double ladies vs Double Men 10 pts for ladies, mixed double vs double men, 5 pts to mixed double
  4. At least 2 sets of game in Qualifying Round, if tie then 3rd set or Rubber.

Last year, there were 20 teams! Afraid of running over time, we only played 1 set on knock out system. Lucky for me, i was the best in the best 6 "losers" so i moved to next round.

I told you my partner is very good right? He won 3rd place lah last yr! So i was under extreme pressure to perform.

First round, we played against a Double Men team. With the 5 lead points we had, and Wei Lee smashing right into their tummy, we won both sets w point diff of btwn 5 - 10!

Immediately after that, we moved on to the next opponent, another Double Men. I played against them last week and knew they were good. it was a heated game! But i messed up lah with my screwed up serving! I was too nervous to serve properly like how the partner told me to, that it often fell short, netted and once even OUT! *shake head*

We lost but by a mere 3 points. The opponent later got 3rd place playing against 2 other teams in the Final on Round Robin system. Then i slapped myself mentally... "Why was i so scared of them? They lost BOTH games in the Finals."

But its ok. I really felt satisfied with the game. I would say my play has improved by 10% heheheh... at least something what... But i cldnt help feeling guilty that my partner didnt get to defend his title... tho it was only 3rd place! But of cos he dismissed my apologies.

I'd like to play at least once a month lah.. anybody wanna join? Kak Is maybe? And Im sure your dad be very good also being a tennis coach!

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Vertical Challenge 2007

In line with some WHP (Work Health Promotion/prog) guidelines, we hafta organise some sporty activities.

So we've had that Amazing Race Food Edition some time back, last fri 16th Nov 07, we had Vertical Challenge.

It is a race up the 26 Floor building of our office! There were two sections, Team and Buddy relay.

A team consists of 5 pple each taking on 5 floors with exception of the first climber, 6 floors. Each member of buddy team will take on 13 floors each.


These are Edy and Wei Seng. They are the champion for the Buddy relay finishing at 3.12mins

Fun pple at AXA! (My they really look like a cartoon drawing!)

This French team finished at 3.23mins.

Painted Legs for group identity.

The different Batons

That brown stick with a cartoon face is actually a baguette! Last year, we had cucumber!! LOL

Some hang on to the rail

Mathieu thought he should do 3 steps at a time!

They were greeted with these snacks on 26th Floor

The medals for top 3 teams

Team Relay Champion at 2.42mins

2nd Place at 2.42mins, 3rd: 2.49mins, 4th: 3.02mins, 5th: 3.04mins, 6th: 3.06min, 7th: 3.06min, 8th: 3.09min, 9th: 3.17min

My two Department representatives of this race got 3rd place finishing at 3.53mins

The buddy challenge generally finished after more than 3 mins but that's SUPERB i think! 13 Floors is no joke! Before my boss sponsored my gym membership, i tried to climb the staircase, i only managed to do 4 Floors sey...

Luckily i didn't participate in the team relay bcos i was still sore from badminton on wed! haha

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Interrupted Saturday Afternoon

We had a movie marathon Fri night which ended at 2:30am. (Actually later, but i gave up half way thru the 3rd movie)

1. Mistress of Spices (Aishwariya)
2. Provoked (Aishwariya)
3. World Trade Center

DVDs courtesy of my neighbour, Kak Is. Thank you, Sis!

Then the Sat morning i had class 11 - 1pm.

I was hoping to catch some sleep when the whistle blew!

Being on the 2nd floor, i got SUPER DUPER affected and IRRITATED by this motorized wind blower(??). I was sooooo angry i shouted "SHUT UPPPPPPPP!!"

I understand that this Bangla is not to be blamed. He was doing his job. In fact, he was helping to make Singapore a clean and green country.

But what happened to the good old SILENT rake? The way i see it, the blower is just a noise and air polluting machine (i bet its using diesel!), and it's not helping the cleaner much bcos the leaves are too light they fly all over the place! Granted, prolly use less energy, but at the expense of our environment?!

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Syifaa' - The Pianist Apprentice?


My mum voiced her concern that Syifaa' is getting too attracted to Music. Everytime a song is played, she will twist, clap and dance! However, i feel that its a natural reaction of every human to hum or tap to the beat, na? It doesn't mean she wouldn't be a good muslimah when she grows up. I'm pretty sure Kak Ly and Abg Fai will guide her lah..

Although, i must say, me and Zubair havent been a very good example to her! We always sing n dance with her! hehehehe Sorry Ly.

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Driving - A Verdict

It's official. I HATE Driving!!!

Ok i dont actually HATE the driving part but the navigating part. Driving to and from work is easy peasy i can drive with my eyes CLOSED! hahah but i was on the verge of hysteria yesterday!

See.. i had an appt somewhere at Geylang Lor 12 yesterday and my dad let me use the car. The appt was at 11am but we only reached Ayah's office at 10:45am to pick up the car.

I came prepared with print outs from LTA - Geylang. Geylang - Toa Payoh, Toa Payoh - Mount Faber. I passed them all to Zubair to prompt me the directions. I've studied it earlier in the train and found it NONSENSICAL! Like long cut. Prolly because it was set to "preference to major roads" but that's the default option and i assumed expressways are considered major roads! Apparently, NOT!

Anyway, the first immediate goal was to reach Geylang. I shan't bother you with the nitty gritty details of how we got lost and was driving around in circles, U-turning endlessly but the short is... we were circling Little India for 30 god damn minutes!!! Zubair got the general idea of the direction but the best part was he told me to go straight when i was in the right most land of two right turning lanes! Then he asked me to turn left when i was in the right most lane with no time to lane change!

I was crying the whole time! I dont like being choked with sheer desperation... it was almost like being claustrophobic in Little India! Like we couldn't find the way OUT of it... *shiver*.

he was angry that i was crying and raised his voice. and i pointed out that he's always angry at me but he said that THAT wasn't being angry. in my desperation, i shouted at him, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TURN RIGHT?!?!?!?!" and started driving dangerously to SHOW and VENT my anger and he got ANGRIER.

The worse still, we were late.. and you know how i HATE being late and the person we were meeting had another appointment at 12nn!

I had even gone back to Ayah's office at 12:30 and wanted to give up when Zubair said let's give it another shot, we can still make it. And we did... after 2 rounds, we finally managed to discover Jln Besar, turned left then found Victoria St then i knew my way already...

The good thing about Zubair is that, even tho we were arguing.. one min his voice was stern, the next very tender. I dont know how he can do that. I need at least 5 min, a hug or two, or a 30min nap to cool down.

Anyways, i KNOW Victoria Street and Little India... problem is i dont know how to join them together. i just cannot SEE it!... I wish Google Earth will come up with a VIRTUAL 3 dimensional route map soon where we can experience driving the WHOLE journey before the ACTUAL one.

Oh, since i've taken the whole day's leave, we decided to go to HDB and confirm some grey informations but they could only give us disappointing replies.

I was very happy that the journey from Geylang to Toa Payoh was fine. At first, he wanted to go to Boon Keng for lunch so he asked me to head to Kallang MRT then he'd show me the directions from there. When i reached there, he said he's not sure where and changed the destination to Toa Payoh. From Kallang MRT, i know where's the entrance to PIE and we drove without hiccups.

Then from Toa Payoh, we "planned" to go to Mount Faber. but when i asked him where he wanted to go next, at first he said home but i rolled my eyes big and sighed, "we have the car for the whole day and you wanna go home?" after some thoughts, he said, "Ok let's go to Little India." But we were JUST from Little India and we Ayah's there.. " He said, "I just wanna buy Paan then we can go to East Coast."

I tolled my eyes again and sighed again... its not so much about the ruined plan bcos it had been raining so Mount Faber wouldn't be the best choice anyway. But the fact that suddenly he had a change of heart. If he had told me earlier, i could have researched the route first.

Wait. on second thought, when i asked him where he wanted to go, he DID say East Coast but i brushed it off saying we havent been to Mount Faber and at least East Coast is more accessible in comparison to MOunt Faber and we could go there next time. Julissa, WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT LISTENING??? Why must it always be YOUR decision?? Nonsense!

Anyways, the route info from Toa Payoh - Mount Faber was really crappy too. Something like go into PIE, then go out bendemeer, then go in PIE again, then go out Kim Keat Link bla bla bla... how could it possibly lead me to Mount Faber i haven't the faintest idea! So i scrapped Mount Faber idea.. and moved off without knowing where to go.

I entered PIE (tuas)... and saw the sign "Balestier Road". I remember in our endless circlings earlier that Balestier Road will lead to Little India so i thought, ok let's go there to get his paan. I stopped briefly in front of KHalsa Association. I told him to go in i'll wait in the car. He's been wanting to go there since forever and i tot why not now cos he brought his certs with him and all... but he said im not going if you dont want. Aiyah! Sweet but... *shrug*

Then i went all the way to the packed Lembu Road only to find that the shop is still closed. So i parked at LTA, returned the keys, waited at Little India while he searched for his paan.

i dont like that he patronised me saying, "You're Singaporean, you should know better." Still, The best part of the day is when i told him i dont ever wanna drive again but he consoled me, "It's ok.. you'll get better with the directions when you practise some more."

GERAMMMMMMMMM!! *pinch Zubair's cheek*

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Diploma in Music

I had loads of time yesterday, so i embarked on my research for Diploma in Music that is suitable for Zubair.

I googled and got 3 relevant websites. the rest are all crap and nothing to do with what i wanted.

1. Lasalle

They cater a few different courses on the Music dept namely Music Technology, Jazz, Popular Music and Classical Music. I thought that the best bet for Zubair would be Music Technology.

The path for Music Technology consists of 3 levels which i assume equals to 3 years of training. The best part is that you can opt to leave at 2nd level and graduate with a diploma or continue to finish Level 3 with a BA (Hons) degree!

The not so best part is that the fees for a foreigner is $17,500 thru out the 3 levels whereas for Singaporeans is $4,800 for Level 1 - 2 and $17,500 for Level 3. I have heard that fees for international student is on the higher side and that Lasalle is an expensive sch but $17,500 is just way too much!!

2. NAFA = Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts

For Nafa, they have just 2 courses in Music. Diploma in Music (Performance) or (Teaching).

It is not clear how long the duration is nor what are the modules. On top of that, the website is very unfriendly! Ergh. Is this how Artistic institution design their website? It's ugly!

Anyway, I know Zubair would be interested in the one for Teaching but unfortunately it is not available to foreigners as they tie in with NIE for the educating part. I was imagining an option to transfer from Performance to Teaching when he's got his PRship. Gotta enquire.

FEES: $5,500 for Singaporean, $7,000 for PR and $8,250 for foreigner. Not too bad as compared to LaSalle.

3. Learning Capital

Learning Capital offers intensive part-time Associate Diploma in Music. The schedule is like Mon - Wed: 6 - 9pm and Sat: 2 - 5pm but over 8 short months! Lord!

I like that on the website there are detailed Modular subjects. However, no fees were shown. So i had to call them.

I spoke to a Mike. I told him my husband is Pakistani and immediately he sounded disinterested. He said that the school doesn't apply Student pass for foreigners and suggested that i looked into full time courses. Yes i am looking at those options but would still like to you know about YOURS. Can't you just tell me how much the freaking course fee is?! He repeated the previous statement. and i said to him but do you still accept Foreigners? Depends on ICA if they allow. Ok whatever. But how much is it? At last, he said it is about $8,000. Fine. Good BYE.

I still think, this is the best option for him and Zubair agreed too. We like that its only for 8 months and the fee is quite reasonable. The intake is in Dec so i imagine he should finish Practical and Theory till Grade 8 by August then can do this Assoc Diploma by Dec.

Re Entry Requirements, LaSalle imposed an additional criteria of a pass in Maths, as they deal with binary numbers and such for the music programmes and softwares. and that might be a slight problem. Otherwise, NAFA and Learning Capital would be easier for him, the requirement is just ABRSM's Theory and PRactical between Grades 5 - 8.

If i tell mummy now about my research, i bet she would say, "Do one thing at a time. dont rush." Yes we ARE doing one thing at a time. But it helps that we see where we're heading to and what are our options in the future. Wouldn't it be a waste if for eg: we do Grade 8 in Sept only to find out that NAFA is having intake of min Grade 6 in Aug? I feel it's good to explore what's out there.

So there half of my morning gone doing this research. Great! and Zubair was especially exhilarated that i did the research for him and i feel so loved. =)

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An Afternoon with Julissa

The stretch of road leading towards China Town from Tg Pagar is now TERRIBLY TERRIBLY HOT!

1 building had been torn down and many big trees were cut!! It's too early to be making way for Circle line or whatever MRT they're gonna build there, isn't it?

This is my route every afternoon - a 5min walk frommy office to the gym. But its getting unbearable with the sun glaring and the shine bouncing off the glasses and concrete. Ergh!

There used to be stubbed tree trunks here.. but i was too late to capture it... now this is what's become of them. Poor trees....


Having sore muscles from Badminton Wed night, i can't do the treadmill in the gym today. i just went for the steam room. The steam was almost unbearable! i should've brought another towel in to cover my face.

I was supposed to do the steam for 10min (or so the beautician at slimming centres told me) but i only did 5min. Even then it seemed like aeons! To kill the time, i chant Allah to the rhythm that i know 33 x 3 x 5 to make about 500 which is almost equal to 5min. For variation, sometimes i analyse random thoughts or do a postmortem on some discussion. Eg: Why were there many people on the mrt at 4pm? What would my boss be thinking from what i told him just now?

Afterwards, on the way to do my errand, i felt like treating myself to some snack. it feels like a waste if i dont bring back "souvenirs" frommy lunch excursion, though it was only to Raffles place hehe... so some ideas i had were:

  1. Coffee Bean's Sunrise. Nahhh @ $5, its triple the amount i was willing to part with.
  2. Famous Amos' Butterscotch cookies. But i just had them 3 weeks ago and i've got so many other sweet cookies..
  3. Burger King's Fries? Nope, just had it last night and i felt like having something sweet
  4. maybe that $9.90 shoe along the Raffles Link? I can't eat a shoe! and none caught my interest
  5. Polar Puff's Chicken Pie? No, actually quite full already
  6. Delifrance's Peach Tart. Expensive
  7. Maybe some cake or pastry at that new halal bakery at Caltex House?

You know what i ended up with? $2 Rockmelon from SunMoon! Healthy and within budget snack treat! Yay!!


After such a glaring walk to the gym, i went out to strong winds and dark clouds. Soon it began to rain. Then i can't continue to walk, but had to take the bus instead for just 1 stupid stop its $0.67!!! $#%$^#$%@#$@

When i dropped at Fullerton.. i thought i just brave the wind to walk over to HSBC. Coincidentally, the lady walking in front of me was opening her umbrella so i caught up with her and asked, "Hi. Can i share my umbrella till across the road?" Then i started to chat with her

Me: Wah the rain comes so suddenly huh?

Lady: Yeah

Me: Just now was very Hot!

Lady: Yeahlah, now weather is changing

Me: OH yeah November already.

Lady: In Singapore now, everyday raining

Me: (Is it?) oh yeah.. so must bring umbrella everyday. You're crossing this road, also?

Lady: its ok. its on the way

Me: Thank you very much. Bye!

Almost wanted to say "See You.." but i thought it was ridiculous. But suddenly, my social bar (Sims term) rose very high and i mood turned to Silver. *beam*

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I was pinging my blog entries at, when i saw the ad banner for

I caught a glimpse of the animation searching for a "blogger" job. and i quickly clicked on it. But sadly, there's not job for "blogger". hahaha But i didnt despair, i tried "Writer" and got 90+ posts.

  1. Travel Writer for
  2. Writer for a regional marketing comm agency. Basically translating products or services to potential clients.
  3. Contract writer for 3 months for a design company doing creative marketing. This is lower entry level for Writer, i believe. and with 3 months contract, i can leave if i find i can't cope with too much words! haha
  4. Research Writer for the Learning Lab with possible specializations in MAths, etc.

Nothing else is available for me as they need a degree holder. But the last post made me search for "Research" and these are the results that interest me:

  1. Research Exec. collecting data n trends in countries such as Singapore, India, Pakistan and even Bangladesh!! They need a Bachelor degree but i dont care i wanna try!! there might be travelling involve! I'd be a good advantage when i've mastered Urdu/Hindi and understood more of their culture. If not, just ask Zubair for help! haha
  2. Research Officer for a credit and BUsiness Information bureau. Basically checking credit history of pple or business. Nice!
  3. Lastly, a Admin Exec (corporate Research) for JTC. Well, at least it's prolly in the right direction to start the career in Research.. Untill i finished my freaking degree!

Prolly you're asking, why am i searching for a new job?

Not that i'm unhappy in this job, just that to break away from what i think is an income ceiling for an Admin job with my level of education, i think i hafta break away from doing just ADMIN.

Writing is something i have been doing for the past year or more. Tho im not convinced my English is good, but the comments i've received from this blog as to the manner i write, have been encouraging =)

Research is something i'm obsessed with ever since the internet started to get so convenient. I've researched extensively for the Degree programme that i'd like to enrol back in 2005 and the best education loan (read: lowest interest) to support the sch fees. OCD, Money making, Job, Music Diploma for Zubair (more on this later) and more.

I believe i have what it takes to be a researcher bcos of my keen interest in number. In my testimonial, my principal wrote that i have analytical skills, and that fits the bill for most of the research job requirement.

But Shldn't leave in Dec! Should wait till BONUS! hahaha

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Badminton Practice!

Phew! What a night!

Last month we had that Amazing Race Challenge right? This month there are two other sporting events, one of which is Badminton Tournament.

Last night was the 2nd training session. I was pleased to see that my "driver" is playing again this year! He lives in Yishun and gave me a lift there then i'd take the bus back to Woodlands.

The story is like this...

I so wanna play badminton with Paul, our champion last year. But he had a knee operation just 2 weeks prior to registration deadline. Mathieu, the Frenchman, wants to play with his fellow countryman. I'm left with the not-so-interested-just-play-for-the-sake-of-participating-in-something Amos, the new guy.

I stalled my registration ... then one day i saw that there were two names registered but with no partner! they were Edy and Wei Lee. They are both very good players! Somehow, i chose Wei Lee.

Boy! Was i surprised to see that Wei Lee is the Driver from last year! See.. i was confused between Wei Lee and Wei Ming. I tot he was Wei Ming! i told him just so and he said, "Oh that's why u put your name there lah cause you thought you'd be playing with Wei Ming. He's 1st runner up last year what. Eh Don't put high expectation on me, no!"

Now i remember my theory to recall which is which, Wei Ming is the tall one and Wei Lee is the erm... not-tall one. hehe

This year and last year is definitely NOT the same. Last year i was single, this year i'm married. I asked Zubair to come along, rather than him sitting at home feeling bored right. At first, he said he'd get bored watching sports, but then i said no you can go look around maybe GreatWorld City or something.. and he did just that.

In total i played 4 matches. I finished 2.5 ltrs of water in 3 hours.

It was really fun this time around! Chiaw Gek, our professional player, showed me the "footwork". The theory is you skip to the right and to the left as to reach the shuttle with least movement. No wonder i saw they hit the shuttle so effortlessly and gracefully!

Then the partner gave me some tips and asked me to practise

I need to serve lower so the receiving opponent wouldn't be able to smash.

To do that, i need to change the style i serve. From back hand... change to.. er... upper hand? and that my thumb should be positioned so that it's pointing the flat face of the net of the racket.

I hafta "tap" the shuttle and hit with my racket swung to the back a bit and wait for it to get lower.

At first i thought that "tapping" means light touch. But i soon understand that it means hitting it hard. and send it to the back of the opponent.

Another tip is to hit right end or left end, but not center.

Zubair said my face was so flushed RED after i finished the last match. Gosh the game is just about 5min and i cldnt take it! To be fair, i did a lot of jumping and the opponent made me run to the right to the left like crazy! Need to remember the skipping steps.

Anyway, by the end of the training session, i felt so... delirious that i regretted not coming last week. But at the same time i was also grateful that i didnt, bcos otherwise i would have terrible sore muscles i wont be able to enjoy the Eid Visiting with friends the next day!

Next week is the tournament. I can already identify which team is potentially to be the champion! The ultra Male team: Ka Wei and Albert. Well.. more details next week! Can't wait! But maybe can wait till my sore muscles ease up. hahaha

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Thoughtful People Around Me.

Sometimes its wonderful, sometimes it irks me when i hear how thoughtful these pple are.

(Now i understand what Hidayah meant when she said she dont like goody goodies!)

Being the youngest pampered daughter, i think i am most of the time selfish. I want the things that i want, i want things to go the way i want, im not really willing to share except things i wanna discard and basically, just didnt' think of others.

Zubair surprised me when two nights ago he asked me, "So How's Kak Lina?" Kak Lina is the host where Zubair gave an outstanding performance on their grand piano, of which the video is here.

Me: Dont know
Zubair: Well, drop her a msg or something. Keep in touch. She's your cousin. We're not talking to her just for job or piano..

So the smses went like this:

me to Kak Lina: Hello Kak Lina. HOw are you? just dropping by to say hello cause Zubair is remembering you and family. send our regards to them all your parents in law and girls

Kak Lina:So sweet of your hubby to have us in his thoughts... :) Waalaikumussalam, from us all..

Me: Yeah he's a sweet thing. But too much of sweet will rot the teeth! hehe oklah keep in touch

Kak Lina: Till today Riqqah still remembers how he runcle Zubair is the one who put his long yellow scarf around her head face and body! the elder said she remembered him as the uncle playing our piano

Cute right those girls?!

i feel warmed and touched by this exchange... and i appreciate Zubair for urging me to do so... It's a new experience for me to be the initiator of maintaining relationship. heh

But then ah... im very amazed, these pple are so passionate, so thoughtful and selfless in part. How did they become that way? Makes me feel inept, ya know! Like why i dont have such natural characteristics in me? But yeah, i guess it needs to be cultivated and there's always time to start!

I remember when i was first being discovered sleeping at the backmost empty table in the office. It was 8+am, before the official working hours, so i took a chance to take a wink. Then my throat felt super dry and i HAD to cough. When i did, my Asst Manager quickly ran up to me and asked, "Are you ok? I didnt know you were here... Do you need to see the doctor?"

The force of such caring words almost took me back. Wow... I guess im not used to being the receiving end of a thoughful, caring person, esp in the working environment.

Back in Zac meat, our overtimes were seen as ways to squeeze more money out of your employer, our MCs and sick leaves were seen as more liabilities to the company.

Then in MKA, when i had to take leave or MC for period pains almost every month, my bosses came to slow talk to me. They said, "You hafta manage your problem."

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Am i supposed to be worried?

Re my Pakistan trip, my mother and aunty are very worried about the political situation there.

Last Fri, mummy reported that she saw on C N N a "WAR" is going on right IN LAHORE. Then i quickly told Zubair to check w his family. But Rizwan, his brother, said everything is fine. But mummy is persistent that she SAW the video footage on C N N.

So i kept a lookout for the news report on the channel. I saw some police controlling crowds while Benazir giving her speech just on the lawn of her house in RAWALPINDI during her house arrest. There was a 5sec clip where a policewoman was hitting and slapping this woman. I was very surprised at the policewoman's reaction to the poor civilian's mere verbal outcries that i shouted, "OH MY GOD!" Zubair went out quickly then reprimanded me, "What is this Julissa? This is nothing u already made a big issue?" i said i was just surprised that's all.

ANYWAY, should i be afraid?

  1. There's no coverage on Lahore
  2. Rizwan said nothing happened
  3. Mamoo Ajmal say this situation will only affect the politicians, judiciaries and media
  4. Postings on Lahore Metblogs only reported peaceful protests that the universities launched. Photos show they were indeed peaceful
  5. and on that blog, life still went on as normal, except that satellite dishes saw a 150% jump in price when their TV channels got blocked. Interestingly, NOT their internet and the news pple are posting videos online.
  6. Paul was in Bangkok, Thailand when the prev Prime Minister was overthrown by the military, was in emergency state and was under Martial Law. He said that everything was fine. like nothing happened.

But of course, danger lurks EVERYWHERE... death can also happen anywhere... Winter is calling me... we will be there, and return safely by grace of God.

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The Hitler Me

Hi my lovely readers, How are you this morning?

I'm feeling great today (tho im a bit groggy right now). Now, i shall start writing something more personal than the last few posts.

I always feel great after a talk with the hubby. He doesnt confide much... nor share his feelings... When he does, i feel stronger... and i feel like i know what i should do... So i treasure these moments very much when we get to say what we think, and we get to ask each other questions... and answer in earnest without the presumption of being "hit" back.

Anyways, i wrote before about how i am a Control Freak. But last night, it was revealed to me just how controlling i am with some examples.

1. He said that i dont always let him go out.

Yeah that's true in part. Because normally, he'd want to go to out in the middle of the night.. and then by the time we go there, the shops will be closed then the public transport would have ended.

But then again, like yesterday, even when he told me he wanted to go to the library in the middle of the day, i still asked what he wanted to check out? So Fast (less than 1hr?)? BUT, yesterday is excusable can? Bcos i was going thru some separation anxiety. haha

2. I dont listen to what HE wants

He said that i only want what i want. Yeah i realised that most of the time, i'm like that. the pampered me. Like last Fri when i was on leave, i begged him to just go to An-Nur mosque (the nearest) but he said no he wants to go to the one at Kallang bcos on thur nights, he cant go there. I threw tantrum (just kicking my legs on the bed, and throwing the pillows on the floor and pulling off buttons) until he caved in.

Then i told him to make sure he has all the time for me when im there in Pakistan. ie don't work except for perhaps one night bcos i wanna see him in action also and dont go off meeting friends lah.

HIM: maybe i hafta work and i missed my friends lah...

ME: You can go do all those stuffs before and after i leeave what

HIM: in a year, i'll only be there for 1 mth, and who knows when's the next time i can see them
again. besides, afterwards we'll be together again ALL the time.

ME: But its not everyday you and me are IN PAKISTAN together!!

The compromise is: he can spend 15% of my 10 day trip with his friends. that would amount to 21.5hrs after deducting 8hrs of sleeping time.

Another instance is about this mini trip before Pakistan. I related to him how mummy firmly said NO you CANNOT go after i told her about my intention. Her reason: Settle the problem at hand first! Then he agreed and said, "Yeah we shldn't go" I said, "Yeah lah.. mummy already say like that, of course i won't go." then he said, "See.. you can listen to ur parents so easily, but how come u never listen to me?" BOY was that a pang!

I told him that he needs to be stricter or firmer with me to make me listen. Bcos he always relent and give in.. he's right ... prolly im taking advantage of his kind nature...but he warned me that he might not be able to take it for long! I need to buck up, man! *slap myself awake*

HIM: I have and always will let you do whatever u want bcos i know that u know what's wrong and right.

ME: do YOU know what's wrong and right? what's good and bad?,

HIM: I'll try and if i've sinned, it's my own undertaking, but i've repented.

ME: Do you know tt some pple believe the husband will hafta be responsible of his wife's sins also because he's suppose to take care of her, guide and lead her to the right path.

Him: yeah, but not after i advised you that it's wrong and you still do it.

ok, fair enough.

The unspoken: I investigate him

You have prolly heard the saying that a broken trust will take a long time to be rebuilt. and that is so true. I still have a fear that history will repeat itself. So that is prolly why, im constantly checking on him.

Last night, after making tea for him, i was waiting for my part of the bargain ie i get to play computer game. While waiting for me, he broke away from his study n watched YouTube. Then his friends came online n chatted with him. i let him finish 2 songs on YouTube and i sat there waiting and of course, i can't help by peered to see what's he talking about. Suddenly, some min later, he grunted then signed off and let me have the computer before time was up.

I inquired, "How come u dont wanna chat w ur friends anymore?" his answer? *more grunts and noises* i dont think that's them.

So after talking all this with him... at last i asked, "Do you like me?" he playfully slapped me like he always does. YOU nonsense, he said, what made u think that way? Yeah lah, i replied, you are here alone, missing your parents, you're not comfortable... and i'm......... (doing these to you)......

Him: I guess i'd feel better when i've started work and we have our own place. Then i can do whatever i want
Me: Yeah lah then i will become your slave... pick up after you...
Him: Now i'm ur slave what...


Me: You know.. Last Thurs, when we visited Ust Samiah's house, she said dont marry someone whom YOU love, but marry someone who loves YOU.
Him: SHe told you that? But you're married already
Me: Yeah lah for the singles... i think in this marriage, i'm the one who loves you right?
Him: *Silence*

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Everyone can own a Credit Card now!

Ok.. I'm writing this for free.

Still on the subject of money, I stumbled upon a CitiBank ad after i sent an email in yahoo. It said

"No minimum income to own a credit card"

And i thought, Really? Now that's a dream come true! im just a lil over 5k to reach the usual min requirement. So i clicked on the ad.

Well, i supposed it's not too bad a deal. You can check it out here.

The card is called a Citi Clear Card.

  1. Min age requirement is 21yrs old, or otherwise, need parent's consent
  2. You can be a working adult or a tertiary student or an NS man
  3. Credit Limit is S$500. Yup its pathetic but naturally with income lower than the standard 30k, you wldn't be able to spend much beyond ur earnings anyway. So it's good for emergency purposes. Eg: ur bonus is in Dec but u desperately need that Foundation NOW! hahahahha
  4. Hmmm there's feature for cash withdrawal but a min charge of $10 per withdrawal or 5% of amount withdrawn whichever is higher. Hmm... like that i'd rather take a loan from my mother! Interest free! maybe even got discount! LOL or at least can offset from other debit transactions.
  5. I dont remember how much is the interest rate, but the late payment charge is somewhere around $40!!!!
  6. There's also an option to create a Step-up Interest Account that pays interest max 3% for your monthly salary input or something but there's a min of $2,000 to maintain the account or a fee is chargeable and with a compulsory first deposit of $500. Er... Thanks, but not thanks. i've already got 2 accounts to maintain. humph!
  7. The best part is, the statement in online. So i can check it at home or in the office. i dont hafta whine when i forgot to bring the statement to work to review my expenses or anything. (You can get a paper statement at $2)

There are more information available on the website that you might need to consider before taking it up. But i hafta tell you... i DONT like the site... it's only after i've filled in the form that the FULL details such as interest rates and all that came out. I wanted to read all that before applying.. but thank goodness the online form doesn't mean a true take up.. You still need to print the form, copy your IC and mail it to them or drop them off at the branch.

Anyways... I've submitted my application... Like i said, it's for emergency. I must be steadfast on NOT using it unnecessarily as it will only burden my monthly payments! Otherwise, KOYAK (TORN/DRY), babe!

PS: Luckily, i am writing this for free so i can give my honest and balanced opinion about it.

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A Bogus Free Phone Service?

I havent got to try it yet.. But suddenly my emails were full of invitations for this allegedly free phone service.

But i suppose, it'd be convenient to have when Zubair is in Pak and me in Singapore.... IF it works...

I suppose the caller should have an earpiece and a mic.

OH yeah the cost to call is 1 jax/min and they start you off with 100jax with monthly free credits of i dont know how much.

Ok.. i just read some more... the only way you can earn some more jax is by inviting new friends... even then you only get 20 jax for each sign ups. Hmmm im usually not one to bomb my contacts' inbox with useless invitations... so i've just invited the ones overseas...

Oops... i think i have accidentally signed up WITHOUT clicking on the 2 invitations i got. i just straight away typed the add on the browser. *slap forehead* And sad dont you think that only one of the inviters will get the points?

Wait... i have an idea... make LOTSA accounts from your own diff emails! That way you get 100 jax x Y (no of emails u have) + 20Y.

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Do i Look Like a Money Addict To You?

Boy! am i on the rambling roll!

Since im on the subject of money, i will tell you that i can never forget this incident back when i was in ZAC Meat.

I was being hospitalised at Mount Elizabeth for cornea ulcer hours before my trip to Australia. I was warded for 4 days and they asked for some $1 or $2k deposit. we certainly dont have that much money in any of our savings... So i turned to my employer at that point of need.

I asked for a loan for exactly the said amount and explained that it is a deposit to the hospital and that i would return it just as soon as the hospital returned it back to me.

You know what?

My "application" was REJECTED lah sak!

Till today, I dont have ANY IDEA on what basis it was rejected. I was a good employee, always on time or often early, no MIA, always covered with MCs. and most importantly of all, i have NEVER even taken an "Advance" before unlike half of the rest of his employees in the factory.

So why is it that i was, in a way, labelled as a bad debtor???


I was in hospital, you didnt even visit me... that's fine... but you didnt even have compassion to help your loyal employee of 3 freaking years!

I wonder why i stayed for that long.

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Stop it!

Ok Julissa! Stop fantasizing! Wake Up baby!

Stop surfing or for all those wonderful holidays you cant afford. I'm not even talking about Dubai or Melbourne... I'm just talking about a 3D2N to Bintan/Bangkok. it costs freaking min $500 per person lah!

You see... i just realised that for this Pakistan Trip of which the flight is about 7hrs long... i WONT HAVE my hubby with me!!!!! How sian / irritating is that?! I mean its not like i travel for more than 6hrs every year you know... and the one time that i CAN and WILL be going to, i dont have my hubby with me... I know i have accepted the shortened trip readily... but this realisation just keeps me down, man.

Furthermore, last night when we were at the airport, he kept saying, 8th dec here i come... and it'd be only HIM and WE/US... so frustrating.. i feel so... singled out!

And btw, after the shortened trip and - 2 half days due to eve of PH, i have 2 extra annual leave for the year!!!

So i thought i'd go for a short getaway with Zubair before 8th Dec so i wldnt feel so lovesick hehehe...

The best i could find was $238 per pax for 3D2N at Sunway lagoon. I cant even raise the total amount by end Nov.

The thing is.. i wanna spend an extended weekend with him but i dont want it to be like last weekend where both of us got SUPER bored. so a trip to M'sia, i tot was achievable... But doesnt look like it... Ok, i can opt for a 3* Stanford Hotel ... BUt???? All the way to KL to stay in Stanford? I dont know man...


Im pretty sure Zubair thinks i'm a crazy woman now.

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The Internet Xubi

I was overwhelmed by disorientation when i reached work this morning.

I was the first to reach office at 8:10am. It was dark and i wanted to catch some nap and didnt turn on the lights. I went to the table at the back and turned on my alarm clock. Then i caught a glimpse of the title of the alarm "Call Xubi".

Suddenly, i was smacked with... i dont know what to call it... a sweet memory? a lost sense of familiarity? Loss? See... back when he was in Pakistan, that 8:58am alarm clock is by default always activated for weekdays for me to wake him up 6am Pakistani time for him to go to work.

I felt suffocated by this infamiliarity or nostalgia. And it was dark! i felt like crying! i dont think i wld be able to sleep in that condition anyway... so i turned on the lights... laid my head down for awhile... and went back to my table some 10min after other colleagues came in...

Tried to check emails but again i was arrested by this "Empty" feeling. So i called Zubair at 8:45am. his voice was just as it would be if i were to call him 9months ago. I told him i was missing him a lot... A LOT. 4 days with him at home and 2 hours separated from him, already i got this separation anxiety getting to me. What's wrong with me? After talking to him for 5min, i convinced myself that he really is here in my country ... MY home... MY bedroom..

But that still doesnt take away this feeling like i've lost something. I deduced that i missed the "Internet" Xubi. I feel like i lost him. Or rather... never gotta know the pre-marriage Xubi. I only knew him on the internet... it didnt feel real.

And then, by the time he was REAL-ly here... suddenly we were married... and you know how your perspective of someone changed after marriage.

One day we were skyping, video calling.... then just 12hrs after that, all that familiar routine POOFed, vanished... so abruptly... It's like THAT Xubi disappeared entirely from the face of this earth. I dont think im making sense to you... but i dont know how to rid of this feeling. It's terrible...

I just hope, when we go back to Pakistan, i will find some of that familiarity back soon. Somehow.

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Over the Weekend...

Sunday has a way of creeping behind ur back to surprise you with a hectic day..

You see.. I was struggling thru a boring Sunday right? Then at 5pm, i FINALLY settled down to playing Spongebob on PS2. But 15min later, my mum called asking me what i'd like for dinner. i said, "hmmmmmmmm what i'd like for dinner eh? I'd like to have Breeks!" She asked where i said at causeway point. she said she'd ask ayah and get back to me.

Suddenly i found myself getting ready cos mummy n ayah will be picking us up in 15min, drop off cuzzies at Simei, then Breeks at Airport.

Now, the Breeks were a chaotic place, under-staffed or over-staffed w JUNIOR staff hah.. The boy who was serving us was making a fool of himself. we asked him what was Calamari TAIL. he said while shuffling his feet, "What eh... Ahh... hmmm... Alah... i used to work in the kitchen but now i dont remember..." Then he disappeared... later he came back and said its Cuttlefish. *roll eyes* YEAH we KNOW its cuttlefish but WHICH part of the cuttlefish is it? Cause it said TAIL does it mean its the LEGS/tentacles or something? He didnt manage to come up with an answer, oh whatever, we thought, we're not gonna order it anyway due to YOUR incompetence!

Then there was another staff... his name tag showed "MADE". we wondered where from is he? The name didnt seem Malay... but he definitely looked malay. We decided he was filipino... Then he came to clear our table and spoke Indonesian to us! We found out he was from Bali, just 2 weeks starting work in Singapore! But my! did he seem professional or "cool" while doing his job.

Anyways, Thank you very much mummy and ayah for the treat. I have satisfied my "mengidam" or desire for Breeks...

Oh yeah we were so very SUPER Full after that... Being at the viewing Hall... we managed to catch A380 taxiing off! HUGE man! and i didnt know Terminal 2 has changed soooooo much! The viewing mall is not as nice as before because the Departure Lounge below has extended out so we didnt get proper window view. NONSENSE.

PS: Unfortunately, my phone died just before we reached the airport, so didnt get to take any pictures!

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Bored out of my wits

I took leave for Fri 9th Nov to get a nice long weekend.. Thurs being Deepavali...

It's mid Sunday now and im totally BORED!!!!

  1. all my books are finished..
  2. i can only play 60min trial games bcos my debit card at $0 is not recognised by realarcade to get the full version...
  3. Zubair is either sleeping or studying or watching YouTube...
  4. the Shopping Centre Tycoon CD i bought is totally worthless...
  5. I cant seem to run The Sims2 Pets. Error msg said to make sure i have some directX 9.0c. i already installed it again but it still cant run even after a pc restart.
  6. no money to go anywhere
  7. TV is useless
  8. I dont like replaying old games
  9. nor rereading old books

ahhh i know i know you must be thinking... Go read Qur'an... Go exercise or something...

What Mathieu said was right when i complained long time ago that the weekend is too short.. he said, "yup that;s why weekends are just 2 days... precious. any longer and it wont be precious anymore..." or something to that effect.

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Is Money Everything?

Only 2 weeks after payday and now my bank balance is $0.38

Then i realised it is bcos there wasn't any class for the past month due to Eid. so that's $280 of loss income.

On top of that i had indulged in several things:

  1. Cab ride from my cousin's place in Pasir Ris back to Woodlands. $16.72 it was close to 11pm and i doubt we could catch the last train at City Hall. there's definitely no bus to Woodlands.
  2. Cab ride from home to my friend's wedding in Jurong. $14.30 (which, in the end, was totally unnecessary as the dinner didnt start till past 9pm when it was indicated in the card to be seated by 7:45pm!)
  3. Two top ups of Skype $42
  4. I totally NEEDED to replenish my contact lens stock $109 after $20 voucher. Even then i had been saving my lenses by not wearing them everyday tau!
  5. Then i bought medicinal supplements namely Vit C and that slimming pill $30
  6. Oh yes.. i had to buy a stand fan for my room at $39 bcos the current stand fan was originally for the sitting area in the living room and had to be returned there as we're expecting guests for Eid. and my $100 ceiling fan is SUPER lousy ok!
  7. Then there's the Tatarah bids totalling $5.35
  8. And just the one date we've had in weeks. A movie (Mr Woodcock - thank God he enjoyed it), nachos and arcade that amounted to $44.20

Grand Total: $300.57

When i told Zubair of this situation, he just said, "It's ok. Don't be worried. Allah will give us money. But money is not everything."

*shrug* I guess i just hafta fast for the rest of the month, bring sandwiches from home (if there happens to have bread around).... or depend on Milo and tea from the office pantry for lunch. Serve me right for not planning my monthly expenses properly.

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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Remember i told you i had this opinion about the sensible "method" to work your way thru a meal?

Basically, it all must be balanced. Typically, a Malay dinner meal will consist of Rice, meat and vege. In each mouthfuls, i will ensure that i have equal % of rice, meat and vege to last thru out the meal. so that everything will finish at the same time. If there's leftover rice, i hafta add some more meat to eat w the rice. If there's still some more meat, i will add rice to eat with it.

I have a habit of having everything balanced and/or symmetrical. Eg: my tudung/scarf. hehe

Now, Kak Long said that those are signs of OCD!

Other examples of OCD taken from this site:

“I couldn’t do anything without rituals. They invaded every aspect of my
life. Counting really bogged me down. I would wash my hair three times as opposed to once because three was a good luck number and one wasn’t. It took me longer to read because I’d count the lines in a paragraph. When I set my alarm at night, I had to set it to a number that wouldn’t add up to a ’bad’ number.”

“Getting dressed in the morning was tough, because I had a routine, and if I didn’t follow the routine, I’d get anxious and would have to get dressed again. I always worried that if I didn’t do something, my parents were going to die. I’d have these terrible thoughts of harming my parents. That was completely irrational, but the thoughts triggered more anxiety and more senseless behavior. Because of the time I spent on rituals, I was unable to do a lot of things that were important to me.”

But boy was i glad when i glanced upon this paragraph:

Healthy people also have rituals, such as checking to see if the stove is
off several times before leaving the house. The difference is that people with
OCD perform their rituals even though doing so interferes with daily life and
they find the repetition distressing.

and also an introduction of OCD by Wikipedia:

The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has worked its way into the wider English lexicon, and is often used in an offhand manner to describe someone who is meticulous or absorbed in a cause (see also "anal-retentive"). Such casual references should not be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder; see clinomorphism. It is also important to distinguish OCD from other types of anxiety, including the routine tension and stress that appear throughout life. Although these signs are often present in OCD, a person who shows signs of infatuation or fixation with a
subject/object, or displays traits such as perfectionism, does not necessarily have OCD, a specific and well-defined condition.
I'm Off the hook! I DONT have OCD! wekkkkkk :P

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A Tribute to Ayah

Ayah is one of the words in Malay to mean Father.

Other words are Bapak, Abi (ok technically it's Arabic), Baba, Pak.....

My Dad. Adam Bin Mohamed Amin was born on 10th July 1953.

Ayah is a very silent person.. but yet funny as in crack joke funny. He had never once beaten any of us. But you can tell when he is angry. That is when his voice is stern or when his answers are one word answers or when you hear a lot of irritated sighs. Once or twice, he was angry for being late for maghrib prayer, then he drove EXTRA SUPER fast. We were quite scared in the car but didnt dare to breathe a word lest it would provoke him more.

I would say, i am the closest and the most pampered by Ayah. Even then, i still dont do enough for him.

When i was a little girl, i remember that almost every Sunday, he would bring me to the playground at Pasir Ris or some place, some 10 or 15min ride on the bike away from our old home in Tampines, prolly bcos my sisters were too "grown up" to play with me at that time. So Ayah took pity on me. hehe

For my 12th or 13th Bday, i asked for a roller blade. Ayah even let me choose which one i wanted. I think i chose the $210++ one, despite Mummy's disagreement, and for a good reason too. It's just a phase. And rightly so as i didnt use it much. primarily bcos, it's funny to be blading on your own, also i dont really know how to brake!!! hahahah

In short, he would, most often that not, say yes to whatever i want, whichever opinion i have. He would always side me that it irked my mummy. hehe and most of the time, to get my way, i always consult Ayah first to get the permission, say to go camping or whatever. And then i can just go to mummy and say, Ayah said ok. heheheheh

There was a phase in our family life when Ayah had long hair, listened to rock music n went to concerts while mummy wore tight but stretchable jeans and with scarves tied to the back (ie neck exposed). Back then, i was thinking to myself, Why i didnt have a more religious family, stricter parents? Bcos i felt embarassed when at Sec 2 or age 14, i still havent finished / khatam reading the Qur'an partly bcos i wasnt sent to any religious classes / ngaji; and that i didnt know the stories of the prophets nor the sahabats (Prophet Mohd's companions). i didnt know a lot of doas also, esp the one after u finish a session of Qur'an reading.

But Alhamdulillah, praises and thanks to the Almighty Allah, who has bestowed on our family, or at least my parents, His rahmah and guidance. He is now active in tabligh / spreading the word of Islam. He is always going to the mosque for jemaah prayer. He had even gone to China and India for a month each (in diff years) in the course of knowing Allah and oneself. Occassionally, He urged us to join a session for the ladies. im ashamed to say that this time around, it was I whose faith was not strong enough, who was reluctant to go. But sometimes we obliged to appease him.

What triggered this entry was my "meeting" with mummy and ayah just last sat night. Mummy said, "u dont hafta listen to whatever i said earlier, but just think... Ayah had always conceded to whatever u said or wanted to do. But why is he saying No to you now?"

Then afterwards, Ayah recalled that time when i was accepted to a Tahfiz Uni in KL with full scholarship but i turned it down. His friend told him, "Haji Adam, you have made a wrong decision. You should have forced your daughter to go to that school." And I told him that yes, i have long since regretted not going for it too. *sob*

At another instance, he told me also that he was dead worried when he was away in China. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying for me. It was bcos i said something like, with my father away in China, nobody is on my side at home. it was the time when all the girls really really despised my relationship with the first BF. i still dont know why they felt that way, but im glad it turned out the way it did anyway.

My point is, i didnt know i could make such an effect on/to (?) my father. What an ignorant daughter i was!

As my wali, all my beaus wouldn't fail to say that my father is a good man. They always reminded me to listen to or discuss with my father first, before anything. Zubair has great respect for him. Ok some of his actions might contradict to that claim but all the same, he still has great respect for Ayah. Once, when we argued, he said to me, "it's only bcos of your father that i'm staying."

I am not good at hugs or saying I love you to other pple other than my husband (i cldnt say those to any of my Exes also). But this tribute means just that :)

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Pakistan Trip Update

Having gone thru a turbulent past 1.5week, i hope the worst is over.

As a result, my parents urged me to reconsider my decision staying in Pak for a month ie 8th Dec - 8th Jan 08. Reasons being:

  1. boss was reluctant at first to give leave. Tho Ukhrawi or Life After Death is important, we cannot neglect our current life and take it for granted. Who is to know what will happen to my job when i come back?
  2. Pakistan is known for its terrorism. No offense to Zubair's family, i have no doubt they are good pple. But its the other pple who wldnt care for me that can do me great harm. My dad gave a scenario, a guy pretended to be a relative n lured me to some place, then held me captive and sell as sex slave or whatever. Funny. Mummy said, if, God Forbids, u die there, its fine bcos death can come anytime anywhere. But i dont want you to be "dianiayai" ... victimised.
  3. Will i really be comfortable w/o my family for a WHOLE MONTH, this being our first time and all? Being a Singaporean, i wld say we're very pampered pple, accustomed to facilities and conveniences. and additionally, i have ALWAYS lived with my parents thru the 25 yrs of my life.. esp my mummy... what were i to do if she's not there?? heheh Who will iron/wash my clothes?

Actually, Ayah advised ALL of us NOT to go. On the other hand, i can't bear to leave my husband 1 week before then 2 weeks after. Ok, initially, i was worried about some female disturbance in my absence, but Ayah convinced me that he's really true to me, he wldn't do anything and that we need to control our nafs / desire. That's why we have Ramadhan, in which we fast in the days.

Anyway, we reached a compromise that they will go n I can also go with the condition that i go n come back with them instead of 1 whole month ie 15th - 25th Dec 07, which, i agree very much after considering the above 3 points.

On top of that, i wont hafta use ANY unpaid leaves at all! Hooray! Plus, Ayah said that we (Zubair and i) can go wherever we want. No need to consider abt them as they'd like to be free to sight see also. and i sooooooooooooo wanna go to Murree... the Mountain resort. It snows there in Dec!! and its only S$100/night and the flight is just $100 per person too! *jumping jumping* BUt then, Zubair said, hafta look n see how's the political condition in Pakistan. Bcos, unfortunately, Murree is located in Islamabad, the country's Capital. It might not be very easy to go there. Well ... let's see...

Hmmm... Do i still need to take a laptop with me during that 10days trip? It will be very useful to upload pictures n blog. bcos i dont want to return with so many stories that i dont know where to start... or that i forgot some important points...

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Sarina's First Hair Cut.

Sengkang LRT is terrible!!!!!!!!! $%^%&*^*$%^@#$@#
There are two berths at the train station. and there are 4 choices of routes u hafta choose from, east loop, west loop, going to Renjong or going to Ranggung.
To make things worse, Before 3pm, trains 1 & 2, are on platform A, Trains 3 & 4 are on platform B. But after 3pm, trains 1 & 2 trade places with trains 3 & 4. I totally DONT get it tau!!
Why couldn't they have made it simpler?

Zubair and i headed to Cik Aziz's house in Sengkang for Sarina's Cukur Rambut / Shave Hair. It is a religious obligation to cut the newborn's hair, weigh the hair against the rate of gold and donate to the poor.
(Zubair said they sometimes use rate of silver. Is that true??)

Doctor Md Faizal. hehe

Baby was very good while being shaved.
It was an intimate affairs with just us the fav cuzzies.

I asked my mum, "How come the other Malay families make such a big event out of this Cukur Rambut?" Tradition. *shake head*

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I Beseech You...

Oh My Lord, this test has been too great for me. I am not sure if i can survive it.

Please, dear lord, i implore you to ease my difficulties, to make clear the right path, to make my heart accept the fate that you have bestowed upon me.

You ARE the ALL-KNower, u know what i'm feeling. You ARE Ar-Raheem, please have sympathy on me.

I am embarassed to ask so much from You. For i know, i have sinned, i have let you down. This must have been my retribution to have forgotten You. I was weak, oh Allah. And i didnt like it. You know i dont. You know of the guilt i felt amidst the sins i've done.

You know how much i missed you... i want to return to you. Please, Oh Allah the Most Merciful. Forgive me, for i am only human. Take me, I wanna be your loyal servant.

But please.... please... please... solve this problem for me. Please make the thing i'm inclined to, be the best thing for me, for us. I can only depend on You. You are the only One who can help me. You are the Listener, the Problem Solver.

I am grateful that I'm still a muslim. I am grateful for my caring family, for my wonderful job, for my friends. I appreciate that we are not as worse off as other pple. I remember the nikmat / pleasures u gave us all...

OH Allah, please save all who reads this from the heat of Hell Fire. Please give us your Hidayah and guidance.

We are simply nothing, without you.

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Tatarah on Maintenance

I find this amusing yet disturbing.

Amusing that they had overwhelming response.

But what will happen to the auction lists and the bids we already place? will it be resetted? Like some are expiring in 1hr.. now it's been more than 1 hr? Then when will the countdown be restarted?

And as a registered member, i didn't even get an email notification about this URGENT maintenance nor what is the consequences.

Sheesh! I loathe them already. Thank God!

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