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The Meaning of Nightmare

Zubair's watch beeped 5am.

I had been tossing and turning for the past hr having had no sleep the whole night save from 12 - 2am. Finally, i got into a nice sitting position to sleep.

The watch beeped again. It's 6am now. and my neck strained from the crooked angle and i decided to let myself sink into deep sleep for another hour. BIG MISTAKE.

I got into a dream where i was flying on a small open platform (imagine Mary Poppins) over oceans with small islands dotted below. Must have been the result from surfing about a resort vacation all of yesterday morning. However, i felt fear. Fear of falling and drowning. Fear of being alone because not one being was in sight.

The platform descended. Ah! People, at last! A lot of them. Seemed like a tribal event was hot in session. All Males. When i landed... they crowded around me. I feared indecent acts and ran for it.

There you are guys! My best friends. I saw clearly Fit, Nul, Mah, Hid and Zi and half of Nan. You guys were chiding me for being late but were all talking animatedly all at once giving me no chance to tell you of the dangerous journey i've just had.

But i was also late for work bcos im soooo tired from lack of sleep. I was also irritated with Z about something and not talking to him and so left to get ready before i get fired. That's when i saw my friends hurrying off into the space shuttle (which was actually my old house's toilet - i told you there's a spooky part of the house hanging around in my head) before i could join them. Only 5 pax could fit into the "taxi", they said.

That's when I couldn't take it anymore! I dont belong anywhere! Nobody understands me! Then a vacuum tried to suck me into that void space. Into a dream world of everlasting nightmares and unconscious awareness.

I screamed for somebody. I felt a hand. I knew it was his. I was still angry with him but i took it anyways. Anything to escape the Bermuda Triangle of nothingness. I was pulling myself up into reality when i realised i had awoken to a dream still. and the menace and still trying to take me down!

NOW i screamed for real. I screamed like i was hurt. The kind of scream i voiced when i got a muscle cramp. I heard mummy knocking on the door and Z trying to calm me down. When i realised im back to reality, I broke down and cried. Its as though Fate has not tortured me enough in the day but also had to mess in my dreams.

I felt soooo tired i wanted to sleep forever. I didnt even care if i got back into the nightmare, at least its not exactly real. But i didnt wanna call in sick either. Getting up and about no matter how tired I am felt more compelling than being stuck at home with a sack of depression weighing me down.

In the office, i researched some dreams interpretation at dreammoods.com, and realised that im feeling super vulnerable, that i should be standing up for myself. At the same time, i have fear. Fear of change.
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The one and only funny side to this nightmare is when ayah asked if i had a nightmare because he was afraid i was going into early labour!!

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2 glasses of Juice:

nadia said...

After reading this post and the one before this, I really don't know what to say. But I sincerely pray that Allah keep you safe and healthy.

Mrs Umer f.k.a Miss Sue said...

my dear Jus,
take a deep breath!
Maybe one thing people never tell you about pregnancy is the emotional unstableness... This is something we have to deal with ourselves. HE has given us this give of carrying a child for a reason... HE has given you this child because HE knows you are ready for it. Think about it my dear... See how much in love are you with him. Instead of thinking of the dark side, think about how much more love you going to give him when he's out of you. I'm sure he can't wait to see your face to. To be in your arms and smell you and take in all of you my dear. Don't think of leaving him.. Think about being stronger for him k. That's the kind of love that Allah has given to us only. No one else.

Lots of Love
Hugs,
Sue