I've Given Birth..... my dreams!

I was brought to my school's old compound (another nightmare prone site in my mind). I can already see somebody holding my baby, but that is his spirit.

People around me were telling me to feel what's the baby trying to tell me... He seemed to be telling me that he's ready to go out but that he wants to be borned on the lawn of our reverred teacher who lives across the road. So i painstakingly walked over the few metres and delivered. Because I was in that compound, the reverred teacher "forgave" my labour pains and i didnt feel no Ring of Fire that i was waiting for.

Scary... seems like im on the verge of being shirik. *shudder* Worse is this guy came back into my life saying he was sorry that he was ready to accept me and baby. Huh?? How did he suddenly come into my unconscious mind?

Now in the office, pondering on the dream, i feel weird. And scared.

1. It just struck me that i'll be experiencing extreme labour pains in under 2months if im lucky. Having actually "delivered" the baby in that dream, i cant imagine the fear on the REAL DAY. Often pple described it as sooo painful you thought you were gonna die.

2. I've known this before already but it just slapped me on the face again as a result from this dream that after i gave birth, i hafta take care of this little person and i have no clue how to!! And im worried how i will take in this Overwhelming feeling of love.

I realise its not just about pretty clothes and cute faces. There will be a lot of pain and emotions going on. Nice though Butterflyrubric's latest entry about the anecdotes of her son's first week, it made me feel even weirder. Cos Im not used to loving nor taking care of anybody else more than myself. Haha. And i'm especially worried i'd be all alone, nobody cares enough to stay with me the whole entire time.

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2 glasses of Juice:

Anonymous said...

actually juls, i'm pretty selfish myself :) and my hubby would vouch for the many times i confessed my insecurities abt not being a good mother.

but trust me, when the little one comes along, Allah places this feeling of love and responsibility that is unshakeable, and you'll know, just know, what to do!

Jussaemon said...

Thanks babe for the reassurance... but until that time comes, i would still feel fidgety i think... its nice to have something to worry about. LOL!