At last, I'm officially Divorced.
We separated ways on 12th May 2009 when Tufeil was 6 weeks old. There were attempts to reconcile but it fell through. I recall a few people dropping comments on my blog asking how come I didn't write about Z anymore. I didnt really answer directly to the point because at that juncture, it was also not clear to me whether the marriage would last or otherwise.
It took about 6 months to go through the registration process and counselling and to reach the Filing of Summons stage. And then I ignored that and the case was automatically closed. I reopened it abt a year ago. Had to go through all those again. and after filing of summons was the mediation. Alhamdulillah, we were able to get to an agreement on maintenance for the child and mine as well as custody in one session.
Filing of Summons was about $35 for both parties. Mediation $135 for plaintiff, in this case, me and $35 for defendant.
I won't dwell on my reasons for this divorce. Suffice to say that he uttered the Talak (divorce) and there were a huge communication breakdown and trust issues and that his only reason was because of my family.
It is ok if you think I deserve it. It is ok if you think it's my own doing for being so naive and got married after 6 months of knowing a guy online. I'd like to think that I've come out of this more matured. I've become a responsible mother/person (albeit still a lazy and uninspired one but hey, I've started cooking and cleaning, that's HUGE!).
The most annoying part about being separated/divorced is people assuming you're happily married. I have had complete strangers asking me "When are you having a second one?" and a cab driver "Wah you go out alone with your baby ah? Your husband never follow you ah? Wah so good are you. you let him sleep at home." Most of the time I don't care to explain that I'm separated/divorced because it will inevitably lead to insensitive questions like, "Oh what happened?" And then... "Oh im sorry..." God! It's like a broken record.
I don't miss him at all. In fact, believe you me I'm very much happier from the moment he left. All the worries and heartaches just poofed into thin air the moment I decided I no longer care. However, I do miss being loved and taken care of. God knows it has been more than just those 2 years of separation. I am not entirely certain the right guy is out there for me. But, a girl can dream.
Most importantly is I have sole responsibilities of bringing up Tufeil to be a good muslim. It won't be easy but Alhamdulillah for the good support system I have. I may complain a lot but without my family and friends, I'd've prolly turned crazy by now.
Nowadays, I live one day at a time. One paycheck to the next.
I'm FREE
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17 glasses of Juice:
Congrats on the divorce. It takes a lot of courage to go through with it. I was a single mom for 5 years & then met Dallas. It will happen again for you, when the time is right.
Thanks, Bridget. Its the waiting that's prolly unbearable. and then worse is when u thought your child rearing days are over, BAM! your new partner wants children.
You will be loved by your child. He'll return the love you shower upon him today...
At the risk of sounding like a broken record to you ;-) I'm very sorry to hear about your divorce. But I'm very happy to know that you're coping really well and most important you're much happier off now. You're doing a great job as a single mom, should be proud of yourself and your family too for being so supportive. Take care dears!
Thanks Kak R for the affirmation. Broken record nevermind its more the awkward situation where a stranger realised he shouldn't've asked/assumed certain things - that's sticky.
Do you still tweet? It's been awhile since i last saw you, i think.
You know what they say...what doesnt kill you will make you stronger. You are already a strong woman to let go. Our journeys may be different but ultimately our destination is the same. May Allah give you the strength to go thru this.
Congrats on being such a stron single mother. :) I have some questions on Hanis, if u don't mind, could you email me pls. Tttika@gmail.com. Would love to chat (and who knows, (insyaAllah) become online friends. :) )
Julissa, wana told me that you wrote about your divorce. I thought I should drop you a line and let you know that you sound very brave and mature now. Please take a good care of Tufail. Just a suggestion that do send him for classes at Urdu school so that he will get to learn his heritage more fully. Wassalam and have a ramadhan mubarak, Fahim
Thanks Sis Norza...
Thank u Bro Fahim. I did want him to go to Urdu sch.. but now that this happened, it might diff. See lah how.
Salams dear,
I'm just happy to know that you are happy now! Insyallah the Almighty knows what he has planned out for you in this life my dear... We are after all HIS beings... Like you said you turned out to be braver and matured and who knows all the more believing.. :) Just continue doing your job as a great mom to Tufeil! (YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!)
HUGS!!!
Selamat menjalankan ibadah puasa!! :)
Thansk Sue.. Well... i'm the only mother he's got. ahakz
Salaam Jus and Ramadan kareem! I see that you are starting a new chapter in your life, and I am glad that you are happy and have stood up for what you believe is right. Good luck! May Allah keep you safe and bless you tremendously.
Thank you Nadia. And Ramadhan Kareem to you too.
Salam sis,
been thru what you've gone thru..Allah knows best..im happily married again to a wonderful man now..Alhamdullilah..no regrets about the first failed marriage..it was an eye opener & a learning journey for me. I'm sure it is to you too..ur jodoh is out there..he will eventually swept ur feet w/o u knowing it insyaAllah. hugggss
Thanks Sarah. Am wondering if u had child(ren) from ur first marriage? Maybe im imagining it but prolly my prospect is decreased cos I have "baggage"?
Yes I do have two kids when i got divorced the first time. Alhamdullilah my current husband accepted the 3 of us as it is (I was introduced to him by my colleague). Was not well accepted by his fmly at first cos he is a bujang u see, but he was persistent to marry me. Seeing hw sincere he was, I make an extra effort to build the relationship with his parents & fmly and Alhamdullilah after knowing me and my kids, they accepted us. If the guy really loves you, he will loves Tufeil too. If he doesn't want to accept Tufeil, you know that he is not the one for you..You don't have to rush for a relationship, he will eventually appear insyaAllah..just don't close your heart k. Allah has better plans for you dear. In every dark tunnel, there will alwys be a ray of light..have faith :) btw, im an avid reader of your blog..keep it coming k.
Oh Sarah. Thanks for those words of encouragement! There are so much I'd like to ask if you don't mind to share. Like how did you cope, how's life now. Drop me a line at my email julissadamATyahoo.com.sg
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