First Week of Motherhood

Have i told you the first thing i said when Tufeil came to this world and brought to my chest was, "Are you really mine?"

The feeling is soo surreal, even as i rocked him to sleep ( i know, bad habit, but im desperate) a while ago, I still cannot believe that i actually am responsible for this little being!


But i hafta tell you that the recovering phase was... Hell-ish. and it was a normal vaginal birth, what more for c-sect. You can say my threshold for pain is very low - hence, the epidural - and also hence, the sitting balloon. Thankfully 'Azma came to the rescue lending me hers when she visited me while still in hosp. I brought it with me everywhere. From bedroom to living room. From the car to the hospital to Kopitiam downstairs. I didnt care what people gonna say, i'm in PAIN!


Worse was, the night i was discharged, I caught the cough/flu from Zubair who was recovering. Dont even DARE to imagine my fear of coughing and sneezing! I tried to clear my throat or rub my nose to steer away from coughing and sneezing. *shudder* WHen i cldnt stand it any longer, i cough softly... or sneezed halfway .. just the Ahhhhhh ch without the CHoooooooo you know? LOL


I continued eating the medicines the hospital prescribed which were 1 Obimin, 3 vit C, 2 panadols (skipped) and 2 ponstan as well as the oral emulsion to soften the stool. One day, i read the label of Ponstan, "To ease pain and stop menses" My eyes opened wide, "WHAT?! STOP MENSES?!?!?!?!" NO WONDER the blood flow trickled to a stop. I discontinued that pain relieving pill straight away and got a bad case of the cramp that night. Thankfully, it was only the one night.


To help heal the stitches faster, i also used minyak gamat (dont know whats the ENglish term is but its basically some kind of medicated oil to dry wounds). Again, the blood flow dwindled. But the masseuse told me that its normal that this Nifas that last between 40 - 60days will continue to just trickle... not heavy flow like regular menses.


Zubair was very caring about what i eat. SO much so he brought me two whole packs of 6 small packets of DUtch Lady Choc Milk. Awww so sweet... To help bring on more milk, the masseuse massaged the right area, i also take 1 calcium pill and 2 nigella sativa (habbatus sauda) softgel on top of the 2 packets of milk a day.


NOw about the Massage.

On the first session, i was very obedient. I drank the bitter Ubat Periuk, i withstood the Bengkung (torso wrap) for 24hours, i wore socks, i didnt untie my hair, i didnt shower a 2nd time, i even applied Param on my body that night. But I simply couldn't stand the dust when it dried up!!!! I didnt mind the smell so much but the residue i tell you ... if i could slap it, i would! So i told the massuese i wanna change to the cream instead.

The massage was painful at certain areas. but at least it doesnt ache the next day. I initially asked for 10 days @ $640. But after the 7th Day.. i cldnt take it anymore. PLUS, Z was complaining about the smell also. Poor him, he had put up with smelly me as long as he could. So the next day, i told the masseuse it was the last day and fee was prorated. I suppose, im not an authentic Malay afterall. Fara who's a Pakistani liked all these traditional treatments and still do them every weekend or so... but me... sorry i cannot take it.

I dont plan to use the Param at all as advised during confinement of 40days. I only intend to wear my girdle and corset. oh yeah speaking of which, on that last day, she asked me to use my own corset but i was very reluctant to do so.... Its a VERY SUPER EXpensive 4-piece set that costed me $800 3yrs ago. and now what happened... the DAMNED PARAM STAINED MY CORSET YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! %$&$&*^*&%^&$#%#@$@# Not to mention the SOUR SMELL. ARGHHHHHHHHHH PULL HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRR



I think the baby and i have problems latching on correctly. I've been applying cream to soothe the soreness. I've been trying several positions with pillow, on chair, on bed... sometimes left is easier, sometimes right is easier. Its really a trying moment for baby and me especially like this morning after he slept like 4hours and was raving HUNGRy!


I can't bring myself to sleep when its just me and baby in the room, ie, Zubair's out. Cause i always fear the worst could happen, like him choking, like him suffocating, like him choking and suffocating... wait. i mentioned that already, havent i?


Zubair bought Food Warmer, Container, baby thermometer disguised as a pacifier, more mittens and newborn vests. He's also on night watch. Baby's been eating every 2hours or so. At night i will wake up to give milk and pass the baby back to Z to burp, change diaper and send to sleep, while i go back to dreamland. WEll that's more than fair because later during the day i wake up at 8am for the massuese then Z gets to sleep till afternoon. Hah.


Its a pity that my ignorance was mistaken for a defying act of the elderly. For instance, i didnt know i cannot shower twice a day, better not to cut my hair as the masseuse would need to tie my hair high up, must wear socks all day and all that jazz. Its not that i purposely want to hurt them, i just dont bloody know!


Now (7th Apr), im on my way to the polyclinic for 2nd jaundice check up. The first one right after baby was discharged, doctor said he has the tendency to develop club foot so was ordered to rotate his left foot and to continue taping his last two toes cause of curled toes. His jaundice was 182. So let's hope today's assesment gets better.


Hey! This Thursday, Tufeil will be 2 weeks old! They say the first month is the longest. I just hafta get thru another 2 weeks before we will settle into some kind of routine or at the very least familiarity, hopefully insya'Allah Ameen.